This Is This

If you didn’t know what one was before Christmas, you do now. My thoughts are with the people of that region.

Understandably given the loss of life, no one has made much fuss about the cost of the operation, but it will collosal. Not just in rebuilding, but in the future economy of the region. Who’s going to dream anymore of sitting on the porch of their beach hut jetty while the Indian Ocean laps at their toes?

Feeling old, but the cakes and drinks and cards were very nice.

Looking forward to the days getting longer.

Oh no.

England have just won the cricket. I’m not into cricket at all. I don’t like a sport where you have to shave between innings, or where the crowd knows for a couple of hours that their team is 99 per cent certain to win. Or 1 per cent, but they turn up anyway, just in case.

Also, the game stops for the teams to have lunch. I think they should have a Christmas lunch. They should find the nearest gastro-pub and start off with a bottle of wine and the captain says a few words about how they have made great strides over the last year and how the next 12 months brings with it new challenges. Then the food comes and a few more bottles of wine, someone puts on a party hat and a few others follow suit. Then the manager suggests splitting the tab with his captain so it’ll get past expenses without raising any eyebrows.

After desert and a round of shorts, instead of sending the team back, they send a couple of people to cover and hope no one notices. Eventually they come back in small groups, so it doesn’t loook like they have just come back from lunch, and they check their emails and try to look busy before they emerge victorious in the game they were 99 per cent certain to win anyway.

In the mornings, I am stupid. This morning I was in a hurry and I could not find my mobile phone. I hunted around for until I ran out of time and had to run for the bus. Forgetting my phone is a big deal because it’s a lifeline for me. On the bus, I thought: “I’d better let wife know I don’t have my phone on me.” I nearly reached for the pocket where my phone wasn’t.

“I don’t do…”

People who say this instead of “I don’t like” get on my, and I suspect most people’s, nerves. In the late 80’s in was kind of novel to hear this coming out of America. Posters of a grumpy-looking Garfield with a speech bubble saying “I don’t do mornings” were OK. But now people precede any dislike with it. “I don’t do cardigans.” “I don’t do Joseph Conran.” “I don’t do breakfast.” Even worse is when the person is trying to express something they don’t do, but still gets it wrong, like “I don’t do recycling” or “I don’t do dancing” when they mean “I don’t recycle” and “I don’t dance”. Do you do English by any chance?

The only only time people should use it is when you are describing something you don’t do. “I don’t do windows.” “I don’t do anal.” “Me and Jojo don’t do judo at the dojo.” All perfectly acceptable.

“I don’t do left-hand drive” is not.

1. Saw my dad and stepmother, They have been out of the country for 3 months while he was working on his book. The last one was great - buy it. (Here in the UK, there in the US)
2. Everton won. There’s only one thing better than them winning, and that’s watching them win live on tv. With your dad, who is also a fan. When they beat Liverpool. And go second in the league. There are times when words can not express the pride. But it’s like people going on about their kids. If you don’t understand, you don’t want to hear it. If you do, you don’t need to.
3. Put the Christmas lights up outside (stalker notes: lives in house with festive lights)

I took Son to a children’s party this weekend. There’s a strange kind of politics surrounding those things that would have Orwell gasping.

The theme was Superheroes. Son went as a gladiator, and there were a predictable amount of comic book characters who had recently made their way on to the silver screen. Although hats off to Mister Incredible for being bang (and in indeed “Ker-POW!”) up to date. But Donatello, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? Grab a goodybag on your way out.

Anyway, out of 15 boys there were no less than 6 Spidermans. Instead of gauping in faux-pas recoil and the embarassment of turning up to the party in the same outfit, they joined forces. They declared themselves kings of the bouncy castle and cast any non-Spiderman out. A leader emerged, who led the the troup out of the castle and started on a rampage. Either at the frustration of not being able to find any Green Lanterns of Doc Octupi, they set upon a Thunderbird. (I dunno, the blue one, OK) The leader popped his balloon while the others laughed. Clearly thinking he was on to something, one of the Spideys broke loose from the troupe and started popping other kids balloons by himself.

This wasn’t taken kindly by the leader who punched him, and someone sprung to the renegade’s defence. Other kids looked on as the Spidermen turned on each other. Then cake arrived and everyone was OK. Maybe the X-Men should have had cake. Then Magneto might have been ok with Professor X.