Last things first
The practice of giving kids first names that sound like last names stops. Now.
Carlton, Taylor, Cassidy, Morgan, Wilson, Madison - from now I’m putting the word “Mister” or “Missus” in front of your name just to annoy you and amuse me. And when that wears thin, I’m going to start adressing you by your ACTUAL last name. Johnson. Peters. Collins. Stevenson. And when you say to me, “Actually, it’s Fletcher…” I’ll say “-whatever,” and carry on talking.
People researching their family history in 160 years time will be going: “Right, all the way back to the turn of the century. now… Great great great uncle. Oh shit. ‘Wilmslow, Mackensie” Is that M. Wilmslow or W. Mackenzie. What were they thinking?”
And kids named after cities - Pheonix, Brooklyn, London, Vegas, Portland - that ends, too. What are you, are fucking airport? Unless you are a professional pool player, you have no excuse being named after a place. I’m going to laugh at you Cooper and Wilson here will join in too.