Big Cat Diary
I keep seeing Big Cat Diary in the TV listings - it’s a big deal on the BBC apparently, but I’m not sure what it is. I haven’t watched it because of my New Year’s Resolution not to watch any reality TV shows, and I’m afraid this one will be similar territory.
BIG CAT DIARY (excerpt)
Monday
Went hunting. Caught a gazelle. Quite fancy trying that dried food. Shiva says a lot of cats in Europe eat it. Must write to cousin Tiddles.
Tuesday
Simba spoke to me! He asked me how my gazelle was. I said fine but couldn’t say anything else. I don’t think he knows I killed it so I asked Shiva to drop it into conversation with Akula by the baobab tree because I know that’s where Simba hangs out after lunch.
Wednesday
Simba was asleep. Typical. Coughed up hairball. That’s the trouble with gazelle.
Thursday
Why am I so much bigger than all the other cats? I hate my life!
Friday
Stayed in. Bloody Discovery Channel is making my life a nightmare. How would they like it? I have my pride. I can’t leave the den without being photographed. Last month one of their snappers sprayed antelope wee on his clothes and spent three days up a tree waiting for Nala to give birth. Where does it end?
Saturday
Simba killed a wildebeest and left me the carcass! Shiva told me to keep my tail down and “stop being so obvious” but I don’t care. Everyone knows she’s a slapper.
Sunday
Tiddles writes: “Yes, we eat dried food and live in houses. Some cats eat meat but it comes from cans. We still hunt sometimes. I caught a mouse the other day (enclosed). Bit cheesy, but otherwise tastes OK. Love to Auntie. - T.”
Houses. Show off. And what the hell does “cheesy” mean? He wouldn’t last ten minutes in this place.