This Is This

Tinseltown has gone crazy with the remakes. Cape Fear, The Italian Job, Psycho, Planet of the Apes, Romeo and Juliet - they all go through the remake mill. Old films get a new line up, a little pixie dust here, a little A-list there, everyone makes a ton of money and we’re all happy.

It’s safe to say that if the current trend continues, every film ever made will get made again. They should remake films two at a time, combining the plots and characters. That way, they can remake the films quicker and get back to making original movies as soon as possible. So double your pleasure with the following remake combos.

1. You’ve Got Jaws
The surf and turf platter of remake combos. A succcessful business man starts up an intimate friendship with a stranger over the internet, only to discover that the recipient of his affections is a two and a half ton man-eating shark.

2. Herbie Goes Sideways
The Love Bug takes time away from a mundane and unfulfilling life to embark on a well-scripted tour of the Californian vineyards. Don Knotts stars.

3. A Midsummer Night’s Shaft
Blaxploitation movie gets the Shakespeare treatment. Contains Bottom.

4. Raiders of the Lost in Translation
Two renegade archeologists and long-haul travellers battle Nazis and insomnia in a Tokyo hotel. The Arc of the Covenant has remained hidden for more than 2,000 years inside a room, but which one?

5. Apollo Se7en
The true story of an ill-fated space mission and subsequent murder mystery. What’s in the box? It’s not just dangerously high levels of CO2…

6. The Truman Showgirls
Reality TV with a twist, in which a troup of burlesque dancers unknowingly have their every gyration followed by an audience of millions. Contains bottom.

7. Fargo and Away
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman star as two hapless criminals who embark on a land rush on the western frontier. A love story action adventure with a hilarious kidnap sub-plot.

8. Nightmare on Wall Street
A rogue trader seeks revenge on his former whistleblowing colleagues by suggesting bad stock tips to them while they sleep.

9. A Few Good Will Hunting
A murder at a Marines base leads to a tense courtroom battle where a janitor emerges not only as the chief witness for the prosecution but also a juror and a gifted defence lawyer.

10. View to a Kill a Mockingbird
Bond is back - and he’s got 24 hours to save a town from inherent racism. But can he win the trial and the hearts of his children?

Also on This Is This
Pedro explains to Francis how it’s going with his new girlfriend using only the words from Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix.
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This entry was posted on Monday, June 6th, 2005 at 8:32 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or leave a comment yourself.