Home Makeover

Son, 5, wants to paint our house. Or I think he means he wants me to paint our house. Either way, he’s got it all thought out. “It could be green with a big rainbow around our door,” he says.

I am torn between fathery duty, laziness and people thinking our house has turned into a gay bar.

Actually, I may have struck gold with an idea for a reality TV show called “How Gay Is Your House?”. It blends Queer Eye with Changing Rooms. Add cookery in there and you’ve got a hit. Ready Steady Gay Rooms – Well groomed urban homosexual men attempt to bring a touch of class by redecorating a home in 20 minutes or less.

Apologies to Americans who don’t know some of these shows. And gay people. And gay Americans. And five year olds. And rainbows, who surely should have some say in all this.