This Is This

Updated version of children’s toys

Buckaroo
Peta and the RSPCA forced a rethink of this classic children’s favourite. Mules are given regular breaks for rest and watering, during which time all mining supplies must be removed from the animal’s back.

Operation
Children must sign disclaimers to say they are not medical professionals and no malpractice suits can emerge from the game.

Othello
Racist connotations gave rise to a change in legislation which led to all pieces being of equal colour and importance.

Battleship
Diplomatic options must be exhausted before any hostilities can begin, and French children must oppose any military action. After each game, Kofi Annan and Bono hold a four hour benefit concert in the Place de la Concorde to raise awareness for the plight of the losing side.

Hangman
New features include a governor’s phone that can stop proceedings at any time and an Urgent Action campaign by Amnesty International.

Hungry Hungry Hippos
International relief effort and awareness campaigns must run concurrently to replenish the natural habitat and food sources to offer long term solutions to the ongoing problem.

Barrel o’Monkeys
Previous reports on inhumane conditions mean that the “barrels” must be at least ten by fifteen feet for each primate, with plenty of natural light, shelter from the elements and activity areas with features like tractor tyres, rope swings and tree trunks.

Mr Potato Head
“He looks funny, but it’s all right.” This toy must not be segregated from the other toys just because he suffers from Cranial Vegetosis.

Hot Wheels
The implication that these good might be stolen forced a branding rethink and the toys are called “Legitimately Owned And Registered Vehicles”.

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