This Is This

1. “It’s Official:”
Headlines which start “It’s Official:” bug me. If it’s official, just say it. “It’s Official: Monkies Faster Than Cossacks.” Normally this is used for things which you can’t quantify, so they stick the prefix in from to try and give it more weight. “It’s Official: The Glass Is Half Empty”

2. Headlines With Question Marks
“How Many More Lives?”, “Is She Really Going Out With Him?”, or “Is This J D Salinger In Angus Steak House?” Fuck knows, you tell me.

3. Tenuous Puns
“Jumping Jack Cash”, “Tom Snooze”, “Abra-Cadaver” - all wrong.

4. “Arguably”
Fair enough if you can’t quanitify it, like “arguably the funniest man on the planet”, but “arguably the fastest lap of the race” is rubbish.

5. The “Media”
The Media talking about The Media bores me to tears. They don’t need to talk about themselves. Imagine if you bought a book and openened it and it said “Here’s a book. You can read it, you might learn something. Books are great. Although some are very evil. The Nazis used to burn books you know.” Or if you went to the movies and the film started with two art critics looking discussing the role of cinema in society: “They sit there is a dark room and they seek something they don’t have. Maybe it is an escape, maybe the real word is the release from this temporary captivity. Interesting.” No, it isn’t. I watch TV and read papers and go online for information and knowledge and entertainment, not to think about why I am watching TV. Do these media people think about using the phone while they are on the phone?

6. Numbered Lists
“26 Steps To A Better You”, “60 Things To Do Before You Die” (these never include practical things like “scream for help” or “seek medical attention”), “1423 Signs You Have Too Much Time On Your Hands”

Also on This Is This
When I was a kid, our family used to get Christmas cards - from Kurt Waldheim
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This entry was posted on Monday, September 5th, 2005 at 9:26 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or leave a comment yourself.