This Is This

(Video Tape: Narrator to camera, walking)
Dateline Never Never Land, and a day when the future nearly pailed (brief pause) into insignificance.

(VT: Jack and Jill out walking their dog)
(Voice Over)
Local sweethearts Jack and Jill had it all. Two ordinary kids with hopes and dreams, but this day turned into a nightmare.

As the couple left the house in the early hours of Friday morning, everything seemed normal. They were heading up the hill behind their house to get a bucket of water Jack had left up there from the previous morning.

Chad Mussourgsky, the local fire chief, was on duty that morning.

(VT: Chief Mussourgsky interview)
“It was a typical morning. What the guys calls the “Neverland Mist”. We get the wet weather blowing in from the Enchanted Forest and it just covers everything like a wet blanket, especially up in the hills.”

(VT: Jack interview)
“I had left my pail up there from the night before and our irrigation system had been on the fritz since the Grand Old Duke of York’s military excercises hit the mains. 10,000 soldiers had ruined the underground pipes with their endless marching, so the only way to get water was from the well up on the hill.”

(VT: Sketchy re-enactment of Jack slipping)
(Voice Over)
What happened next is uncertain, but it appears that Jack lost his footing, resulting in a fractured crown.

(VT: Jill interview)
“Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jack go down, and I slipped and started rolling down the hill, but it was much later.”

(VT: Sky, ground, sky, ground, sky, ground. Blurred)
(Voice Over)
It was the quick thinking of Chief Mussourgsky and his crew who intervened when they were just seconds from disaster. The chief’s first aid knowledge was vital to their survival. He is typically modest about his role.

(VT: Chief Mussourgsky interview)
“I did what every fireman would have done. I was just coming off my shift when the call came in. They’re lucky, because half an hour later the Kings Horses and the Kings men would have been on duty and those guys are ******* useless.”

(VT: Jack and Jill out walking their dog)
(Commentary Jack)
“I owe everything to Chief Mussourgsky. If he hadn’t have been there I could have died. Both my parents have very weak crowns and I’m not sure I would have pulled through.”

(VT: Jack and Jill out walking their dog, Chief Mussourgsky comes into shot, plays with dog and shakes hands with Jack)
(Voice Over)
So if you’ve left a pail of water in a perilous location - leave it there. Especially when it has been raining.

Always wear the proper shoes and propective crownwear and never, ever go up a hill without telling someone where you are going.

Thank god that this time, at least one nursery rhyme (brief pause) had a happy ending.

Next week: A woman whose ignorance of birth control led to her living in a piece of footwear amid scenes of breadless domestic violence.

Also on This Is This
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