This Is This

There are many words I like, including mollusk, pink (when you pronounce the “n”, like “piNk” instead of “ping-k”), time, stand, whimsy and steep. I have written about this before in this blog, so I’ll not dwell. Mostly I do not know why I like then, but I like the way they sound and how they feel to say then when I do it so quietly that no one else can hear. I’m kind of funny that way.

But some words I don’t care much for and at the top of that list is “albeit”. I when I was typing that last bit I could feel my stomach tightening up because I knew the sentence was going to end in that word.

Here is why it is a rubbish word.

1. It is not a word
It is three words put together to make one word, like nevertheless. Why would anyone every say nevertheless when they could say “despite” or “although”. What’s next? “Standstoreason”? “Giveortake”? Youstupidtwat.

2. It doesn’t fucking mean anything
Albeit, even as “all be it”, doesn’t mean anything. It’s a dismissive, cynical prefix that is totally unnecessary. It isn’t even correct English to begin with. “Although it was” would be more accurate. “But in fact” - that’s fine. “Whereas” - two words made into one, but I’ll let it pass. Yes I know our usage of language should evolve and English should be organic, but it shouldn’t have to smell organic.

3. It isn’t even spelt right
“Happenstance”, two words, “happen” and “stance”. Put them together and we get it. It looks like happenstance. Albeit? It looks like “Al-bite”. It looks like “Arbeit”. Look at the following conversations.

Them: “He’s a great chef. He does amazing things with potatoes.”

Me: “Albeit makes fries.”

Notice anything disconcerting?

Them: “It’s going to be the fastest passenger plane ever made. London to New York in 2 and a half hours. That’s nearly four times the speed of sound.”

Me: “Not quite, albeit mach three.”

What?! What did I say?

Them: “They are a good band. They sound like Busted. Credit where credit’s due.”

Me: “Albeit McFly.”

See where I’m going with this?

4. People who say albeit do not sound clever
It sounds stupid. People who say it sound stupid, because they sound like stupid people trying to sound clever. I know because I am often stupid but know my place. Talking to someone who uses the word is like playing with a bassist who thinks he is in tune but isn’t. Or sitting next to a colleague with a whistly nose. You feel like pathetic that it bothers you and that makes you feel worse, but ultimately, it’s someone else’s fault.

Let’s just get rid of the word and move on.

Note to world: can all new words please be run past me before they get used? That is all.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, February 2nd, 2006 at 10:24 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or leave a comment yourself.