This Is This

Or: I Think I May Have Downloaded Some Porn!!!

My phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s a text message that says “From Orange: Thank you for your order. For more pics go to…”

Then I noticed my phone was online and must have switched itself on in my pocket as I went about my day.

Now, I’m not shrinking violet. I know that you can download pictures of naked wet floozies from Orange. They are the only pictures that I know of that cost money. This is a company mobile. The bill arrives at the office and I expense my calls through work. The last thing I want to declare is a five pound bill for jubblymelons.jpg.

So I called Orange customer services.

Me: “Hi. It’s me again. Hey. I just got this message saying I’ve downloaded something but I think there’s been a mistake. Can you check my recent phone activity and get this off my bill so I don’t get charged.”

Orange: “I’m sorry, I can’t check your calls or downloads, but you can challenge your bill after it comes in. This is a business account, correct?”

Me: “Yes.”

Orange: “One second, I’l check who the administrator is for you company.”

She went on, very helpfully, to explain that when the bill comes in, I have to take it to J.

Orange: “Does that name ring a bell?”

Me: “Yes.”

Orange: “Is there anything else?”

Me: “No.”

“Take it to J. She’ll be able to help you raise a query with any download activity.”

J is a very attractive woman I know who works in facities and would be the last person I would discuss my recent possible download with.

Me: “Umm… Funny story. The phone was in my pocket when it downloaded some porn. I noticed it right after I got the confirmation message. So, as you can understand, I want to query this part of my bill. No, this bit right here, ‘jubblymelons.jpg’. That’s it. That wasn’t me.”
It’s not going to happen, is it?

For the record, the picture I ordered didn’t even arrive. Which makes it worse. I’m the victim here!

How does that work? Just because porn exists, does that make me a suspect? Lock up your daughters. And your keypads.

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This entry was posted on Friday, February 3rd, 2006 at 11:52 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or leave a comment yourself.