This Is This

On holiday, I am not cool.

Some examples from mine last week:

Shorts
I wear shorts with the pockets stuffed full and bulging. This is what dads do, I think. This is what my dad did when he was on holiday and I think I should, too. I also drum on the steering wheel and express my appreciation for beer to my non-drinking entourage. But pockets: keys, wallet, notes and receipts. When I should be idling, I jangle, and sometimes vice-versa.

Changing Rooms
I don’t like or trust people who feel too comfortable with their own nudity. Some people are just that little bit too confident when they are naked in a public place. It’s OK with intimate nudity, but in public: it’s not my thing. Or my thing. Woah. Hey.

Try to be a little self conscious, OK, pal? A bit of humility would do us all some good.

For some people, the social terms of engagement upon leaving the pool are:
1. Soaking Wet
2. Bollock Naked
3. Bone Dry

I say stagger it a bit. Mix things up a little. Dry your fucking hair with your underwear on.

One Sec
When I order my wife a drink, and the barmaid asks: “Ice and lemon with that?”, my answer is normally: “One sec”, delivered indecisively with a raised finger and a turn on the heels. This throws open a whole new category of Not Cool, called “Being Served” about which more tomorrow.

Also on This Is This
I love October. Kerouac wrote “October is the sweetest month. In October, everyone goes home.”
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This entry was posted on Thursday, August 3rd, 2006 at 6:40 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or leave a comment yourself.