Paul Simon’s Misunderstanding Of The Media

I think Paul Simon is a great songwriter, but whenever he writes about the news, it worries me a little. I work in the news, and when I hear a song like “Something So Right” and the line goes:

They got a wall in China – it’s a thousand miles long

I think: “Don’t give up the night job.”

There’s no context, and it’s vague – not to mention inaccurate.

His comprehension of the news machine is also way off. In Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard, he says:

In a couple of days they come take me away but the press let the story leak.

Wrong! The press doesn’t leak stories, they report them. Stories get linked to the press.
 
Call Me Al is a case in point. It actually sounds like a bad news report. Picture it.

Paul Simon dressed in reporter’s garb, a rugged ideal of fleece, khaki and velcro pockets. He walks towards the camera down a dusty track, hand motions gently emphasising his words which carry the emphasis of a casual but intimate sincerity.

“A man walks down the street. It’s a street in a strange world.  Maybe it’s the Third World, maybe it’s his first time around. He doesn’t speak the language, he holds no currency. (Pause) He is a foreign man – he is surrounded by the sound. (Reporter Paul Simon hits his mark perfectly, three feet in front of the camera. You can tell he’s pleased with himself.) Tom.”

 Cut to studio.

“Paul, you mentioned before that there had been what you described as ‘incidents and accidents’ and possibly ‘hints and allegations’. Can you expand upon that?
(dead air)
Paul? Have we lost the feed? Paul? No – sorry.
We apologise for the technical difficulties and we’ll try and get him back. Paul Simon with that report from, er…. the… third world.
We think.”

It’s hardly Pulitzer material is it?

His eye for features isn’t much better. In 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover he mentions maybe barely half a dozen, and all of those are aimed at men.

You know how guys who have been in the army become weapons advisors to movie studios and get paid tons of money just pointing out what noise a certain gun would make? I’d like to be a news advisor to rock stars writing about the media. I could point out their misperceptions of the news business. I’d just sit there riding the tourbus, dripping with groupies and hanging out, listening to the band write songs, and occasionally I would go: “Nah. Doesn’t work that way.”

It could happen.

I’m aware that I have to ease up on the italics, thank you.

———-

Three Word Story

“You don’t understand your power over the common man,” said Alistair Campbell.

The words seemed to echo endlessly around their cell. Digging a tunnel had proved fruitless and oddly phallic. Finding a vein had been the laborious task ahead, but they opted to forge ahead