This Is This

I drink my coffee black. Often when I ask for coffee I have to ask for no milk. I don’t know why this is. Plenty of people drink coffee. Most of the people in the world have it black, but when I ask for coffee in a shop in England it often comes with milk in.

So I play this game. If a shop wants to extort more than £2.75 (about $4US) out of me for a cup of hot beans, then I will just ask for “Coffee. Please.”

Then when it comes with milk, I give them the big fuck you.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t want milk.”

Then they roll their greedy little eyes and say: “Well then you have to ask for no milk.”

Why? Do I have to tell people what I don’t want now?

“Coffee, please. But no milk. Or war.”

Fuck you.

Oh, sorry.

Fuck you with no milk.

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Three Word Story

“You don’t understand your power over the common man,” said Alistair Campbell.

The words seemed to echo endlessly around their cell. Digging a tunnel had proved fruitless and oddly phallic. Finding a vein had been the laborious task ahead, but they opted to forge ahead while singing “We

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