Four Stars Maybe, But Out Of How Many?
I stayed in a big room in the Metropole Hotel in Brigton at the weekend. It swanky - nice bar decked out in glass and dark wood, lobby with chandeliers and right across the street from the sea. Four stars, or so their guide said.
I don’t really get the stars rating, but I think it applies to facilities instead of comfort. Yes, it looked great and had a spa and a pool. It had parking and two restaurants and room service and conference facilities and function rooms and great views. But something was lacking.
We checked in to a family room and there was a double bed, a single bed and a cot in the room. I went back down reception and explained that my daughter was nearly six and didn’t need a cot. We had two kids, not a kid and a baby, so we needed a bed for our two kids.
“No problem, sir.”
We went down to the bar for a drink and when we returned to the room there were two more beds in there, bringing the total number of beds to one double and three singles.
I called reception and asked them to take out a bed, which they did, but there were only enough towels for two people.
Basically, it would have been a four star hotel if not all of us had wanted to sleep or wash in it.
The beds turned out to be too soft to sleep in and the pillows had no substance to them. Although this was lucky because however you placed your head, the pillow and matress covered both ears, muffling the whistling noise of the draft ripping though the corridor.
It gets windy along the British coast sometimes. You think they might have considered this.
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The words seemed to echo endlessly around their cell. Digging a tunnel had proved fruitless and oddly phallic. Finding a vein had been the laborious task ahead, but they opted to forge ahead while singing “We Are The Champions”.
It wasn’t until they stopped singing that they realised they were never going to see Gdansk. In the dark, damp silence, the candles sputtered out. “Bugger,” said the slightly balder spelunker, “we need tallow - and FAST!”
“WAIT!! What’s THIS!?” Alistair exclaimed, puzzled.
Latest three words by Ed, then Hennie
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November 28th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
The wind whisstling through the corridors is called ‘ambience’. People pay big money for that you know.