Stuck With Me
You couldn’t really make up the situations I get myself into, and often in a blog when people present themselves you get all savant and none of the idiot.
I work in the news, and I enjoy it mostly. Much like Huey Lewis, the news and I are synonymous. So when I snatched a haircut today, I made sure I looked after some important (current) affairs.
Today has been a busy day in the news, and if you’re reading this in the archives, the chances are you aren’t Saddam Hussein. I have been planning some tasteful coverage and laying down boundaries of what can and can’t be shown if the former Iraqi dictator’s body is handed out to we the media. Not this blog, I mean the day job.
I check with our picture team to find our who is on call tomorrow and called our video guy to check he would be available to get some footage to me if any came up.
“I can’t talk,” he said, “I’m on a motorway. I’ll pull over and call you back.”
He doesn’t normally answer the phone when he is driving but since it’s me and I know he would have heard the news on the radio, I consider it a flattering professional courtesy.
“Not urgent,” I text him back and step out to get a haircut.
I’m sitting there cloaked up and having it cut when my phone rings. I squirm a little because I know this is Video Guy who has pulled into a service station in his native Wales to get in touch about a breaking news story, so I want to take his call. The barber steps back, cutthroat razor in hand.
Now, I’m aware that because I work in the news, it is easy to sound like a twat. About half an hour after the second plane hit the World Trade Center, I knew I was going to be at my desk for the next 15 hours and I went out to buy a load of sandwiches and drinks for my team, and everyone in the cafe was watching the news instead of serving me. I said, “Can you hurry up with the sandwiches please, I’m a journalist.” Cunt is not the word.
I console myself that it might have sounded funny, like in Fawlty Towers when the guy says: “I’m a doctor. I’m a doctor and I want my sausages.” No, I think cunt is the word.
I am much more mindful of both Ps and Qs these days, so back in the barbers, there are a lot of factors at work.
I want to keep the conversation short, because the barber is standing by, with other heads to see.
But I don’t want to keep it too short, because Video Guy had stopped his journey on his day off to return my call.
I can’t say the words “execution” or “Saddam” or “Iraq” because the barber shop is run by an Arabic family next to an Arabic market, and they play Arabic radio and have Arabic verses everywhere and out of respect, I don’t want to sound like I’m capitalising on an Arabic tragedy, which of course I am, but more about that here.
Video Guy: Cliff, hi.
Me: Hi - thanks for calling back. I’m right in the middle of something, so now I can’t talk long.
Video Guy: No problem - what’s up.
Me: If we get the video of this actual, um, thing, we can run it but we have to have a disclaimer somewhere.
Video Guy: The actual execution, you mean.
Me: Yeah. That.
Video Guy: But that won’t be until after the Haj, will it?
Me: I’m hearing Saturday.
Video Guy: Saturday? Wow. What do you need?
Me: Just the video encoded. We’ll take care of everything else. I’ll send you a list of who is on duty in case you can’t get me.
Video Guy: OK, great. Can you include me on any mails to them?
Me: Will do, but it looks likely it will be soon.
Video Guy: What have you heard?
Now this is the bit where I think about saying that they won’t kill him over a Muslim festival of Eid or the Haj, but I decide against it. The barber thumbs his blade behind my ear.
Me: Just some things. But I might be wrong.
I add the “I might be wrong” because I don’t want to sound like a twat to him, either.
Not that I minded. Sometimes you matter less than your surroundings.
December 29th, 2006 at 11:21 pm
Might happen tonight sometime.
December 30th, 2006 at 4:54 am
And apparently it has.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6218485.stm
Awkward, really. I am a vehement non-fan of the death penalty. I mean, I was also a vehement non-fan of Saddam Hussain, but that’s not the point. I will still be leaving Bush to do his victory dance alone.
Oh, and that doctor/sausage line is actually my favourite line in all of Fawlty Towers.
December 30th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Cheers Ed - you were right.
Katy - I’m with you on the death penalty. Hurray - not only is Iraq a mess, but now we’re no better than him. It’s as if: “All life is sacred, apart from yours, buddy. Anyone else think they can do whatever they want? Thought not.”
Actually, I would want video of George Bush doing his victory dance.
December 30th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Enough of all this triviality. How’s the new haircut?
December 30th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Good post, Mr Cliff.
Yeah, funny about that whole Saddam thing… Of course he was not a nice man, and even though I am not entirely anti-death penalty, it still all seems so wrong and barbaric.
Confused is the word.
I am simple folk.
December 30th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
IT was a deserveed death given to him by his own countrymen, but it is indeed a hollow execution.
i don’t think BUsh is dancing but if he is, I’m not up there with him.
December 30th, 2006 at 10:31 pm
Shortest haircut I have ever had, Angry. It is very cold and I have a head the size of a peanut. In short, I look ridiculous.
January 1st, 2007 at 9:39 am
lololol ‘just some things but I might be wrong’!
That’s brilliant! You would make a great spy!