Apocalypto. Now…
I have some problems with Mel Gibson.
Mel Gibson’s performance in Braveheart was criticised as wooden and people thought that he couldn’t play a convincing Scotsman, but since then it has emerged that he is an abusive and racist alcoholic, so - well, you know, fair play to him.
I grew up with the Lethal Weapon movies and now I can not meet anyone with the last name “Riggs” without saying it in my head in a bad South African accent.
“Rdrdrrdrdriggzz.”
Which brings me neatly on to Apocalypto, which is like Sim City meets the Forman/Ali epic Rumble In The Jungle meets Goodfellas. Or something. I just want to point out, were pointing out needed, that I haven’t seen it.
As far as I can tell it’s a classic story of Mayan boy meets Mayan girl, they have a few laughs, think about starting a family, maybe getting a place to their own, perhaps in Tulum. You know, out of the coast.
Anyhooters, boy gets captured, boy gets even and everything’s turned upside down when the Spanish arrive.
(Scratching noise of a record needle skipping across a record that you don’t hear these days but is international for “Wait - fucking what?!?”)
Didn’t the Conquistadors arrive five hundred years after the Mayan civilisation collapsed?
That’s not just like having air strikes in westerns, we’re talking five hundred years. That’s like giving Christopher Columbus satnav and banana daiquiris.
I like the Mayans. They recorded their own history with scribes and artists and architects while we scramble for clues about our medieval rulers in the lyrics of songs written by drunken troubadours. Not that there’s anything wrong with drunken troubadours, I was one myself once.
But I have also stood atop El Castillo, the big pyramid in Chichen Itza and looked out in awe over the jungle and tried to imagine what happened to a civilisation that numbered thirteen million in its peak.
I also think they should make a version called Apocalypso with Harry Belafonte as General Patton. If we’re going to stretch the truth Mel, you might as well give them a show.
January 15th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Aztecs, Mayans, Incas, Olmecs…they’re all the same, aren’t they? Bloody pre-columbian civilisations.
January 15th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
‘Aztecs and Mayans and Toltecs- Oh My!’
There are no Spanish in this movie. I mean, there might be people of Spanish origin, but there are no CHARACTERS who are from Spain who might be invading to plunder and pillage and rape and stuff. The bad guys in this movie are the Aztecs. They’re the ones doing the pillaging and raping and invading and stuff. And they got theirs from the Spanish a few hundred years later. Or something.
I am very interested in that whole area, for some reason. Yet I’ve never taken the time to really dig into it other than to stufy some artworks and read some stories. Put this on my ‘to-do’ list please.
January 15th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
I’ve not seen it either. But maybe Mel got the story wrong ’cause he was a bit tipsy. An anti-semite and an alcoholic. Those are tough labels to shift. Then why did they have his name emblazoned across the opening frame of the trailer? That is the question.
January 15th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Those bastard Aztecs.
January 18th, 2007 at 12:30 am
Haven’t seen it either, but the Mayans were around during the arrival of the conquistadores. Their society had long passed it’s peak, but they were there. They’re actually still there today. Checked Wiki…