This Is This

Katy Newton does her thing, and a fine thing it is, over at http://everythingiselectric.blogspot.com - she is meticulous blogger par excellence, and I say this partly because she has double spaces after each finely-crafted sentence. Count them, seriously. In a word of failing standards, that’s got to count for something.

It’s a big compliment to be asked to guest here, because This Is This is, as they say, the dog’s. 

And some people might have just thanked Cliff for the compliment and quietly chosen one of the topics that he floated to post about, and in fact some people did.  Not me, though.  Why?  Because I am insanely competitive.  To the extent that not one of my close friends or relatives will play Monopoly with me.  And we don’t talk about the Perudo incident.  

(Peruvian Liar Dice.  Don’t bother.  It’s fucking incomprehensible.  No sane person would play it and only stupid pointless people who are stupid and pointless win it.  Now let’s just leave it, okay?  Okay.)

So my first reaction was to attempt to bagsy one of the post topics that Cliff floated, so that I and only I could post about it.  Well, my very first instinct was to bagsy all of the topics so that I could choose amongst them at my leisure, but I suspected that that might be pushing it a bit – but anyway, imagine my surprise when Cliff tactfully informed me that the law of bagsy does not apply to This Is This at all. 

That can’t be right, but I didn’t push it because, well, it’s Cliff.  But bagsying applies to everyone and everything.  Anyone or anything can be bagsied regardless of whether they consent.  They might not even know you, or know that you have bagsied them, but that doesn’t matter because the law of bagsy applies to everything and binds everyone, and the only way to defeat a bagsy is to trump it with a counter-bagsy.  

Which can be fun.  If you win.

For example, my friend J knows that I have a bit of a crush on Dr Perry Cox from Scrubs.  If we were in the mood for a bit of bagsy jousting, the conversation might go like this:

J:          I bagsy Perry Cox from Scrubs.

Me:      Damn you!  Fine.  I acknowledge your bagsy.  I counter-bagsy David Tennant.

J:          Curses!  I acknowledge your counter-bagsy.  I counter-counter-bagsy with well-known actor Richard E Grant –

Me:      Pah!  You can have him!

J:          - at the time that he starred in “alternative” classic Withnail&I!

Me:      No!

J:          And I shall keep him AND Dr Perry Cox – unless you de-bagsy David Tennant, in which case you may choose one of them to keep, but only one, and only because we are friends.

Me:      They shall BOTH be mine!  Because I uber-bagsy every single man in the world who might conceivably be considered attractive by any given woman at any given time from the dawn of time itself!

J:          Blast you, Newton!  I acknowledge your counter-bagsy and concede that it supercedes all previous man-related bagsies.  You are the master of the bagsy.  I beg you on bended knee to release David Tennant.  You the man.  Et cetera.

So now we come to the real point of this post, which is this:  by virtue of the law of bagsy, every single conceivably attractive man both current and past in the entire world is bagsied.  They are all mine.  You are all on notice.  So if you want one, you can’t have one unless I have formally debagsied him.  And if you’re already using one without asking me, I hope you’ve thought of a good counter-bagsy.  Because you’ll need it.

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