The Anti-Bagsy
April 5, 2007
By Mr. Angry, from the paramilitary wing of the Mister Men at I Am Livid, where Net rage is all the rage.
When Cliff originally asked for contributions from guest bloggers during his holiday, there was a minor frenzy for one or two of the preferred topics he suggested.
“Bagsy The Ways In Which You Can Use A Brown Paper Bag!” screamed one email.
Or something like that.
It reminded me of my days in the schoolyard (as a child, being in a schoolyard at my age is frowned upon), where ‘bagsying’ was rife. Fortunately, I grew out of this in my teens and by the time I had reached University I had developed an entirely more mature way of dealing with disputes.
It was called the ‘Bags-Not’.
The bags-not was a non-refutable method of ensuring you did not have to do anything . It began in a shared house, where a ringing phone would instantly result in a series of screamed, “BAGS-NOT!”’s from various corners of the house. The last person to Bags-Not was honour bound to answer the phone. Of course, like any system of Government, there were disputes. But they were settled like mature adults, in a best of three Paper-Scissors-Stone confrontation. Of course, the phone would normally have stopped ringing by then, but there was a more important principle at hand than any potential familial emergency.
During my years as a student, the ‘Bags-Not’ evolved into a core part of our culture. The use of it became a proactive tool to make others do something for you. Quite regularly someone would say, “I’d love a cup of tea bags-not!”, and the last person saying bags-not would be forced to make tea for all present.
Over the years I have used the bags-not technique to get people to do the following:
Clean the bathroom
Make me dinner
Iron my shirt
Get me a beer
Return a library book
Fetch a take away
If you were particularly good at it, you could live like a king. Unfortunately, Bags-Not’ing has failed to take off in my office. This is despite many a meeting where the question, “So how are we going to trim £50k off the capex budget?” has been met with an enthusiastic “Bags not!” from me. You would think they would at least give it a go.
I miss the old days.
11 comments
I’d really like people to leave a comment, bags not!
I think the bags-not should be used everywhere. It sounds like a perfectly good way of getting things done by other people. Tony Blair, for example, might have said, “We really need someone to talk to Iran and get those sailors released, bags-not.” In fact, I’m sure he probably did.
“Bags not” is just bagsying, people!
The Emperor has no clothes!!!
* – I suppose it would explain any number of political decisions in the last few years…
Katy – It is not the same. It is evolution. It is the Homo-Sapien to your red-arsed baboon.
Bags Not is a fucking stupid idea invented by purile twats who are too fucking lazy to bother their arses to do anything themselves.
Or at least it was when I was the new boy playing the game with 3 sodding Jedi Masters at it when sharing an apartment.
Having now had time to practise – what a marvellous invention it is.
There’s an interesting philosophical discussion at work here – surely by expressing a wish not to bagsy something (the bags-not) you are bagsying the right to do nothing?
I think that each one is the other, just with different branding.
If we were to go a step further, which one trumps the other? Can you put a bagsy on someone else? (I bagsy for instance, some anti-depressants for Mr Angry) The bagsy must have seniority because the bags-not is a clear response to the bagsy in its original form.
Maybe the Catholic church has already ruled on this, I don’t know.
Sam Sam Sam….
If I wanted you to take anti-depressants, I would simply say, “We should all take some anti-depressants, bags not!”
Um…..
Is there a book I can buy? Not bagsying for dummies, or something?
I don’t think Sam has quite grasped the principle, someone should explain it to him in more detail bags-not.
Bags-not is by far the better of the two. Because you can, as Sam says initially, simply opt out of everything. And who doesn’t want to do that?
Leave a comment. Play nice. I will turn this blog around.