This Is This

There’s a fictional village at 29 Palms in the Mojave Desert called Wadi al Sahara where US Marines practice walking among, and not killing, Iraqi people.

The Arabs there are genuine enough, 500 Iraqi-born civilians who go about their business much as they would in Baghdad. They are there rocking the casbah to give the grunts the experience of being in a “genuine” setting so they can adjust to the cultural nuances of Arabic life.

It makes sense, of course, because if all the armed forces do is train to kill bad Arabs, then bad Arabs is what they will expect. The fewer enemies you make, they lower the casualty figures. If it saves one life, etc.

I would like to volunteer for a similar position when the UK is finally get invaded by the US, which, is only a matter of time. I could set up shop somewhere in California, on the payroll of the State Department and do English things. I could stand in queues and get brassed off but say nothing when the person in front of me in the supermarket has eleven items instead of ten. I could be ironic* and crap at sports.

US military forces would be able to observe British life in it’s fullest by building its own village called Newcastle-under-Flightpath. Stick it on the end of a runway for a touch of authenticity.

You can already build a British the high street by numbers. Bookies, chemist, failing local greengrocers, coffee place, bank, cheap jewellers, catalogue shop, mobile phone store, pebbledash council offices, temping agency, pub, pond with dumped shopping trolley and overpriced multi-story car park. Surround the whole thing with an unnavigable transport system and you’re all set. Don’t build too many schools of hospitals though, remember: this is the UK.

But I get to live in California, yeah?

Anything to help the war effort.

Have a good weekend, or come back tomorrow. The two shouldn’t be mutually exclusive.

Tomorrow: I tyre of this life - audio post. Spoken? Word.

*I say “could”, I actually am. I was being ironic.

Also on This Is This
Day 12, and Tuesday’s been replaced with some iced gems and a spatula. Meanwhile, dinner is served aboard the Mir Space Station and someone’s not planed their Shiva.
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This entry was posted on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 7:01 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or you can skip to the end and leave a comment yourself.