How To Choose A New Mobile Phone
I am in the market for a new mobile phone, so I’ve been doing some research on models, makes and tariffs.
Like most uncharted subjects, I am finding that the more I discover, the more I have to find out. 3G, smartphones, battery life, Qwerty keyboard, wifi. There’s too much to know.
Predictive text, polyphonic ringtones. pixel resolution. And who the fuck is Carl Zeiss?
I decided that I’m probably not going to go for one with a keyboard, since I’m rarely more than twenty feet away from a computer, although add another mile to that and that’s when I normally get an idea for a post but that can’t be helped.
I want a phone with a camera, so I can take pictures and stick them up here. The blog, pervert. Not here. Like I’d take pictures of me doing that and stick that up here. No – I will not do that. This is the internet, OK? It is not some place where people get their kicks looking at pictures of sexual deviants. Or videos. Or one to one porn chatrooms. No. What are you thinking? This is the internet.
Also, I can’t be bothered to learn new things. I’m not getting old – I’m not OK? – It’s just that I can’t be shat to learn someone else’s “intuitive” format. I know plenty of people (saps!) who switched from Nokia to Sony Goran Eriksson only to curse their decision later. Maybe the phones are better designed; I couldn’t give a WAP – I’m sticking with what I know.
Nokia it is.
Done.
Network.
Orange – that is what I am on now. OK. Tariff? They have stupid names. Dolphin, Racoon, Monkey, Marmot or Skink? Half cashback for six months on an eighteen month contract or pay fifty quid for the phone on a twelve month deal? Or free phone and an xbox or a Nintendo wii with a standard eighteen month commitment. OK, that could be cool. But does a wii play dvds, or is that just the xbox?
Do I get the phone from work or go to a store which can get a better deal and I have to change my number? This would be a pain.
I do not know, but the longer I wait, the more I am on my crappy current deal and the more it costs me. But the sooner I choose, the more likely I am to make a bad decision.
I have become a phone bore among my friends and colleagues. I see a new phone on their desk and ask to have a look about it, mumble something about battery life and marmosets.
They usually take my picture and then show it to me, and I look at the picture and say “Hmmm – I’m not sure” before wondering off, none the fucking wiser.
Call me.
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8 comments
“Sony Goran Eriksson”
Nice.
Funnily how quickly things change, itsn’t it? I remember how scarily complicated it all seemed to get when BT introduced their Friends and Family number scheme only 12ish years ago. I think that was the only choice available then. No mobiles (apart from if you were VERY rich and had VERY strong arms), no different tariffs, no free local calls. All you needed to know was who your friends were, and that it was cheaper to call them after 6pm.
there’s something slightly strange about the fact that i meant to IM you on Friday to discuss my ‘replacing my mobile phone’ dilemma… you want to just swap phones?
Sounds like the easiest option. Plus we have a lot of common friends, so I wouldn’t have to change many contacts. What ringtones do you have?
Send it in to Phone Swap Programme, That Bloke, This House, Those Towns, There, TIT1 LOL
Wendy – Was it really 12 years ago? Wow. And you could get a quarter of humdrums for a thrupney bit and still have change for the talkies.
when you get a text message Mr T will say “Quit yo jibba jabba”. it stopped being funny half way through the first time but somehow i never got round to changing it.
What chance have I got?
I’ll take the shiny chrome one with the large keys.
I would love a mobile phone that said “Quit yo jibba jabba”. But then again I am the proud owner of a Mr T Celebriduck so my judgment is not to be trusted.
Wendy – my father’s friend had a mobile phone in the 80s. It was the size of a decent-sized speaker, with a handle and a normal phone receiver on a curly wire, and it weighed approximately 35 stone.
Katy – for Christmas i got a ‘Mr. T in your pocket (TM)’ keyring. it has six buttons. pressing a button makes Mr. T in your pocket (TM) utter a Mr. T phrase in a fairly good approximation of a Mr. T voice:
phrase 1 – “I pity the fool”
phrase 2 – “quit yo jibba jabba”
phrase 3 – “first name mister. middle name period. last name… T”
phrase 4 – “don’t gimme no backtalk sukka”
phrase 5 – “don’t make me mad, grrrrrrr”
phrase 6 – “shut up fool!”
i want a Cartman one now…
See, for me, the words “Carl Zeiss” and “mobile phone” just don’t belong together. But then that’s because I use a camera to take pictures, not a bloody mobile phone.
Leave a comment. Play nice. I will turn this blog around.