That Was You?!
September 26, 2007
I’d gone up to see a colleague at work and was carrying a book with me.
He pointed to the book and asked “What are you going to do with that?”
It seemed a stupid question, but he’s a really nice guy. Odd and funny, too. He asks, out loud and serious, questions like: “Have you ever punched a horse in the face?” Or “Have you ever seen a slug that’s been stung by a wasp?”
He is also fascinated by Simon Weston, who he suspects is a fraud.
Anyway, me with a book and he goes: “What are you going to do with that?”
It seemed an odd question about a book, so I said sarcastically: “I’m going to fuck it and eat it.” Then: “What do you think I’m- ” but his face changed.
“Like a baby fox.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Like Viz, right?”
Reset the counter. Rewind to twenty years ago and a cartoon strip in Viz where two boys are in the frame, one with a boy and the other saying to him: “Is that a little puppy?” The other says: “No, it’s a baby fox.” The first kid goes: “Oh. What are you going to do with it.” The other boy’s expression changes and he says: “I’m going to fuck it and eat it.”
A friend pointed it out to me and we thought it was hilarious.
Fastforward back to 000 (so retro) and back in the office. Colleague says: “I wrote that.”
“That was you? That’s the greatest comic strip I ever read.”
He explains he sent it in and then starts to reel off submissions they didn’t print. Some I can’t repeat even here.
But fucking hell, yeah? I’ve never quoted a comic in my life and then a like-minded friend from work makes a link with me as a fifteen year old on a train, reading a joke he sent in to a magazine which was relatively unknown then.
This is going into my list of coincidences, and adding weight to my theory that everything I have ever done is catching up with me in ever converging circles, like a whirlpool. And in the middle, where the energy is stronger and everything joins up – that’s me.
11 comments
Was that “Rude Kid”? The one that sticks in my mind was:
Mother: “What would you like in your sandwiches, darling?”
Rude Kid: “Dad’s pubes, yer whore!”
Jingle, jingle.
Ah, fox-in-a-box.
That same friend used to call people “my fat-fingered friend” and the like. Once, when he was supposed to be taking his kids to the park, they ended up sitting in a car watching a house burn down (after making sure everyone was okay of course) for entertainment. Then told people.
Funny how some people can get away with that shit. Great guy.
Does he think that Simon Weston is pretending to be Welsh?
That’s like the coincidence on When Harry Met Sally where Carrie Fisher quotes a journalist and Bruno Kirby says “Hey, I wrote that”
Did you end up marrying him?
That’s a helluvacoolstory.
Katy – Piss up a rope, fuckstick.
Ed – Kerching
Wendy – Great days. You spotted his talents before me – http://wenders.vox.com/library/post/qotd-rofl.html
Emom – He thinks that Simon Weston 1)Wasn’t there. 2) Was there but is milking it 3) Had no other talent other than was injured in the Falklands War 4) Puts on the accent for sympathy.
Peach – It was. And before we knew it we were in the offices of That’s Mine, This Is Yours having an argument over a Roy Rogers garage sale coffee table wagon wheel. Singing Surrey With A Fringe On Top in front of Ira.
Sam – Thanks Sam.
I really want to hear about the submissions that didn’t get printed. Any commenter that says they don’t is lying. Lying.
PS big fat elephant’s fanny.
The fox in a box thing still is an in-joke between my big brother and I.
I have just seen on Match Of The Day that WEST HAM had a fox in a box there……
i’m now going to phone my brother in Scranton PA usa to tell him and i know his reaction will be…..
” did they fuck it and eat it”
Hahaha, great stuff, and there is a lot more where that came from. Although I’d dearly love to tell you all about the strange screaching sound a dead pigeons guts make when they’re forced from it’s anus at speed when driven over by my Brompton this morning, I fear I best not as not everyone shares the same darker sides of the humour spectrum as myself.
The Viz story is alas true, the cartoon’s that weren’t published centred around very un-PC topics which were acceptable as humour in 85 but not even one as evil as myself would find funny these days. Though I will always have a place in my heart for Inconto Steep ‘he shits in the street’.
I recall a meeting in 2001 with the then head of news & sport (CC to his friends, we just knew him as C, or the C). Anyway, the the C sat at the end of the table curiously silent throughout the meeting. 20 minutes into this rather, no, f*****g dull strategy meeting, he jumps up frantically pointing out of the window but still curiously silent. What the!!!! as everyone rushed to the window & just sat & stared at the C with a ‘what’s going on?’ expression. he then spat a mouth full of cold custard into his coffee cup & turned to me with the words ‘beat that you c***’.
Leave a comment. Play nice. I will turn this blog around.