Viking Wives

- an historical comedie

Trondheim – 1017

Sigrid: Morning Inga.

Inga: Morning Sigrid – how you making?

Sigrid: Not bad.

Inga: Is he home?

Sigrid: He is. But he says he’s going out again next Friday. Finland this time.

Inga: Finland? What for?

Sigrid: Some longboat exposition. I say: “You’ve got one longboat already, what do you want with another one?” He says: “These are different.”

Inga: Right.

Sigrid: He says something about oar locks and I just glaze over. It’s long and it’s a boat, that’s all I know. And where are we going to put it?

Inga: My Dave’s the same.

Sigrid: Of course this means more raids.

Inga: Uh oh.

Sigrid: I’m sick of it, Inga. Not just the raping and pillaging, but the travelling. He was gone three months last time.

Inga: Is that the one Gunter died on?

Sigrid: No that was the one before that.

Inga: How are the other kids?

Sigrid: OK. Last time Greenland, before that it was Iceland. Now he wants to go even further.

Inga: Further? He’ll fall off, won’t he?

Sigrid: Not according to Leif Ericson.

Inga: Oh him.

Sigrid: Sorry, I know you had a thing once.

Inga: That’s OK.

Sigrid: I’m like: “There’s nothing there!”

Inga: Right.

Sigrid: He goes: “Not according to Leif, there isn’t. Leif says there’s another country.” But there isn’t another country.

There was an awkward silence. Then Inga ventured

Inga: You should have married Fernando.

Sigrid: My Nanny. He would have gone to the end of the Earth for me. And no further.

Inga: Sigh. You guys were good.

Sigrid: “Leif says they have potatoes. Leif says I need a new longboat.”

Inga: Try talking to him.

Sigrid: I have. He just tows the company line. “I was like this when you met me, Sigrid,” he says, ” ‘Invade, raid and trade.’ You knew how it was.”

Inga: And you can’t go with him? Like the trip to York?

Sigrid: Not really. I don’t like the cold.

Inga: You should really call Fernando.

Sigrid: I may do.

Inga: Listen, I better go. The shark meat needs digging up and you know how he gets…

Sigrid: OK babes, take care.