The King Of Soups
I was talking to Wendy of It’s A Life. Or It’s A Life’s Wendy, if we’re being all media about it.
We were having a typical conversation, for us anyway, so I thought I’d include it here with her approval, of course. If you know me and we talk, I’m not going to post our conversations up here. I don’t go round doing that. But here’s a conversation between me and her last week. If we really want to be showbiz, I’d say “This Is This ft. It’s A Life”.
Lunchtime, midweek last
Wendy: Sorry, I was eating when you called before.
Me: Were you? That’s OK, I didn’t notice.
Wendy: Well, I was having soup.
Me: What kind? Cream of mushroom?
Wendy: No, it was-
Me: Cause you see, cream of mushroom is the king of soups.
Wendy: No it’s not.
Me: It is. I was eating cream of mushroom soup as a kid years before I even liked mushrooms. That says something.
Wendy: It’s not the king of soups. It’s not even - it’s like a pretender to the throne. It’s like a prince in Belgium somewhere. Thirteenth to the crown.
Me: How can you say that? Like it’s some bastard child or something that no one talks about.
Wendy: It will never be king. It’s the Prince Harry of soups - at best. At best.
Me: Rubbish. OK, top three soups. Go.
Wendy: Tomato with cheese on it.
Me: What? Tomato with cheese?
Wendy: Yeah. Sprinkled on. But it has to be Heinz.
Me: You can’t put cheese with tomato! That’s not right! Although you have it with pizza. So, yeah, maybe.
Wendy: I’m not talking like cheese and tomato soup. It’s tomato soup with cheese on it.
Me: Ok. I guess. Next.
Wendy: My potato soup. Really rich and lovely.
Me: Like a winter vegetable thing. Parsnips?
Wendy: It can have parsnips.
Me: Three.
She started talking about an old boyfriend’s mum’s soup, but I don’t remember the details. I kind of stopped listening. I mean, I was listening, just not listening. There may not have even been a three. I can’t really say - not with any authority.
Wendy: You?
OK, I remember this bit. It was about me.
Me: OK - cream of mushroom soup. Obviously. The kin-
Wendy: It is so not the king of soups.
Me: Yes it is. Two - vichyssoise. Eh?
Wendy: OK.
Me: It’s cold, but good. It even sounds like a queen. Three - I’m going to say miso soup.
Wendy: No.
Me: What?
Wendy: It’s nothing.
Me: It’s refreshing. It cleanses the palette.
We went on like this for a while. I got on to bouillabaisse, which I don’t eat. It blends the line between soup and stew, but it’s kind of like emptying a trawler net into a bucket. (We argued about miso soup a few days later, and I feel I won on the grounds that she was unable to define “nothing”.) From here we digressed into chili con carne.
I said chili con carne was Spanish for “beans with rice” but she disagreed and said beans wasn’t chili.
Me: It has to be. Con carne. “With meat”. The other word must be beans. It has to.
I looked it up on a translator site and it turns out beans in Spanish is haba. Chili in English from Spanish comes out as chili. Chili is chili. Chili ain’t something else.
This is why no one talks to me, I think.
October 16th, 2007 at 9:50 am
1. Mushroom soup tastes like rubber. Don’t ask me how I know.
2. Miso soup is a big bowl of nothing with lumps in. There’s nothing wrong with it as such, but I feel sorry for you if that’s your number 3.
3. “This is why no one talks to me, I think.” No one. NO ONE. Do I have to point out the problem with this?
October 16th, 2007 at 11:22 am
I’m with Wendy, Cliff. Tomato is the Souper-star.
I’m surprised no-one got onto Mulligatawny (The Pretender, perhaps), or Minestrone (The Italian baronet of soups)
October 16th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Do you know why chili con carne doesn’t come up in a Spanish dictionary?
Because it’s Italian.
October 16th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Miso soup? Talk about the Emperor’s New Clothes, man. The only difference between miso soup and Cup-A-Soup is that Cup-A-Soup comes in many delicious flavours and textures, whilst miso soup merely coasts on its reputation for being Japanese. Now, why hasn’t anyone mentioned minestrone - the true king of soups?
October 16th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
I don’t know. I’m quite partial to broccoli cheddar. That is some tasty stuff!
October 16th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Kathryn - For god’s sake. Would you stop putting cheese in soups? No more cheese in soups.
And Sam - It’s Spanish, not Italian.
Rob - Minestone. That’s going into the corridors of power but
Katy - It is so not the king of soups.
Wendy - Stop trying to overthrow the king of soups. I’ll have no more talk of this.
What is wrong with everyone today?
October 16th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
THANKYOU Katy. I knew someone around here would see sense.
Who would describe Miso as a hug-in-a-mug? More like a limp handshake.
October 16th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
But…but…cheese is good in soups. *hangs head*
October 16th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Cream of mushroom isn’t even the pageboy of soups.
October 16th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
And also: The name “chili con carne” is a slight corruption of the Spanish chile con carne, which means “chile (peppers) with meat”. That is definitive. It is from Wikipedia.
October 16th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Well it could have been. It translates exactly into Italian but not Spanish. It’s only 66% Spanish.
October 16th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Plus I put cheese in Heinz tomato soup, it’s glorious.
And miso soup is not a soup, it’s a punishment. It comes from the root of the Latin word miser, meaning unfortunate. It’s made from the concentrate of armpit sweat and promoted by the likes of Gillian McKeith as a way of destroying people’s happiness.
October 16th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
hahaha Sam! That’s perfect. And yes, the tomato soup HAS to be Heinz. I also sent a reply to Katy before, but I appear to be in moderation. He doesn’t like me disagreeing with him.
October 16th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
You guys have changed. Putting cheese in soups. OK, I like a fondue as much as the next man, but this has gone too far.
I will turn this blog around.
October 17th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Soup. Nuts. Yep, covered.
October 17th, 2007 at 7:42 am
Wendy and I speak as one in this matter, except that I would say that minestrone trumps Heinz Tomato and she would say, well, not.
I would include egg-and-lemon-soup in this thread, which on reflection I like at least as much as minestrone if not more, but that’s not necessarily for everyone.
October 17th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Ok I have kept out of this so far - I am responsible for Wendy’s taste for Heinz tomato soup with grated cheese, it’s an effing classic, minestrone is equally nice served like this.
But
Egg and lemon soup?
October 17th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Egg and lemon soup. It’s a Mediterranean thing. Chicken broth with beaten egg and lemon added. The lemon makes it sharp and the eggs make it thick and creamy without dairy. And then you can add some mashed potato or rice, and maybe take the meat off the bones you used for the stock and add that in too. It is also lovely cold. But as I say, not necessarily for everyone.
October 17th, 2007 at 11:13 am
I’m willing to give the egg and lemon a try. I was sold when the words “chicken” and “broth” were applied.
Cliff - egg in soup?
October 17th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Yeah, fuck it.
Egg, cheese - anything. Whip up some eggs, sprinkle it with cheese and pour ketchup all over it. Fucking lovely. Try it with lemon and powered chicken.
Freaks.
October 17th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
You see Wendy you had soup cred, but now………..
October 17th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Soup Nazis the lot of you. And insane too.
Insane Soup Nazis.
October 18th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
I have never tried a soup without cheese on it. Fathom that oh mighty one!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
1. Tomato. Heinz - no doubt! (with cheese grated on the top and soft white doughy bread to dip in if you wish)
2. Chicken soup - Heinz again
3. Mushroom soup. It’s a bit err ’snotty’ sometimes!
Aren’t croutons added to allow the cheese to stay afloat and to melt on top deliciously?
*Stands proudly in the Freak queue and looks challengingly at Cliff*!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I’ve always said Sooz talks a LOT of sense.
I went out for lunch today, and the café’s soup of the day was….
Mushroom with Cream Cheese
I think that should satisfy everyone.
October 19th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Almost everyone.