This Is This

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Archive for November, 2007

Hectic

Friday, November 30th, 2007

I was going to do a video post today but this week has been hectic.

For the meantime I’m wacked out of energy, although I did go to sleep at eleven thirty, but I’m exhausted. I need a good weekend, some peace and quiet and a scoop of a hopeful future and I’ll be OK.

This weekend’s going to be good though. I’m on my own for a bit which means I can record some saxes. Unlike guitar, I can’t play sax when anyone is in the house and I’m very rarely in the house by myself. Apart from that I may finish a book I was reading.

And write more for this. But not today. I need to pick myself up.

Have a good weekend.

Zzzzzzzzz

Thursday, November 29th, 2007

Sleep is a funny thing with me. With me, the most simple things are often the least straightforward.

Over the last two months I have not been getting much sleep, going to be at about one am and waking up my normal time at six ten and that’s not enough for even me - I generally need about six hours.

I can get by on about four one day a week, so long as I’m putting in my normal six, but five hours night after night isn’t doing me or anyone any favours.

It’s not that I can’t sleep. I am great at sleeping. I can fall asleep straight away in single figure minutes, not even aware of the process. I can also nap like a hero. If I have a twenty minute tube journey, I can take a deep nap for fifteen of those and wake up naturally at the end of that time, at will and feeling refreshed. And if I’m in a car, you can add another four and a half minutes on to that. My dad has said I’m the worst travelling companion on a road trip, because I can sleep the whole way. I think it’s the movement. I can fall asleep in a ski-lift, boat, plane, anything. In fact, I can sleep pretty well all night in just a chair.

If I want to.

And that’s the thing. Something goes off in my head when the house goes quiet because that’s the only time I’ve had on my own in sixteen hours. So I’ll read, write, play an instrument, watch some TV, do some housework, play around on the computer - anything. And I’ll do it right through until the next morning.

Last night - sending emails and listening to podcasts; the night before - reading blogs; the night before - reading about the facts of the Jamie Bulger killing and then looking at maps when I discovered he was killed a few hundred yards from where my dad lived; night before that - googling everything I could about the 1980 USA Olympic team and their Miracle On Ice victory over the Russians (including a biography on the coach, youtube video highlights and where-are-they-now reports of the players); night before that - reading scanned in letters home from soldiers for their accounts of the battle of Gettysburg; night before that - making a video post for this site.

The list goes back, but that’s what I’ve been doing. I think the problem with the internet at least is that I like learning about stuff there’s no end to the tangents.

Please, please don’t say: “You should sleep more,” because I know it. By saying that, you’re also saying: “You shouldn’t be interested in feeding your interests or watching things on TV only you find funny or wanting to become a better mandolin player or staying in touch with people”, because I am. That’s me.

But I really should sleep more, because I am getting irritable. The man in the seat in front has been doing these little coughs the whole time I have been writing this post and it’s driving me nuts. Just small coughs, but really LOUD. It’s like his coughing is linked to his vocal chords, and the more noise he makes the more effective the cough, and I don’t want to think about it. HMMM! HRMPH!!!!! MMF!!! Not only is it fucking annoying, but my ears actually hurt from it. People like him are why I should sleep more.

Any suggestion for me wanting to change my character traits are greatly appreciated. I know that likeminded people and bloggers read this site and wondered if any of you out there in blogland had the same problem.

Midweek Poem - The Nearness That Is All

Wednesday, November 28th, 2007

Here’s a twist on the Midweek Story thing I’ve done, inspired by a poem I heard last week which I wanted to share.

It’s by Samuel Hazo, and features in a book entitled A Flight To Elsewhere available on Amazon and is read here with the kind permission of the author.

Listen: The Nearness That Is All

The Wisdom Of Nasrullah Stanekzai

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007

By telephone

  By Cliff Jones
  Published: 27 November 2007

  London, England

Of all the government officials of war torn countries, my hands-down favourite has got to be Nasrullah Stanekzai.

A former law professor at the University of Kabul, Nasrullah Stanekzai is Afghanistan’s deputy minister of tourism. This is a little like being a pimp in a monastery, or an X-Box salesman at the Royal Society For Children With No Thumbs.

It is, he acknowledges, not always the easiest job and certainly not the most popular.

…it says on a page on his government’s official site

The first tourism minister installed after the end of the old Taleban government was beaten to death in 2002. The second was killed last year when his car was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade.

There is, Stanekzai says, still a lot to do before Afghanistan is really tourist-friendly.

It’s not exactly going to win over honeymooners, is it? But I love Dr. Stanekzai’s realistic and refreshingly honest attitude, which makes him my favourite politician in the world.

“We have some challenges for the tourism, first I think is the security, second we haven’t capacity for the hospitality,” the minister said. “We haven’t yet the tourism culture, we haven’t capacity for services for tourism.”

Or the roads. But fuck it, you know? This is Kabul. You’ve got to be tough. Much like the surface of the moon, when it’s hot, it’s fucking roasting, and when it’s cold, you can die from exposure. One difference is that on the moon, people don’t want to kill you.

The website, and keeping bearing in mind this is the official website of the Afghan government, goes on to say:

Chicken Street, a dusty stretch of small stores and outdoor vendors is Kabul’s best-known shopping area.

In 2004 a suicide bomber attacked the street, killing an American woman and an 11-year-old girl.

Today, shop owners such as Karim Azam say tourists are beginning to trickle back.

Yeah, I can see the pull. Is it called Chicken Street because kids dare each other to walk down it?

“As long as we have better security tourists will come. They used to come, lots of people would come. If they come we already have our stuff that shows Afghan culture,” he said.

Stanekzai’s office is helping kick off a five-year campaign to revitalize the tourism industry.

Then this from the New York Times:

In 2004, he told us, just 500 foreign tourists visited the country — fewer than two a day. This year, though, the number was up: 100 tourists — Russians, Italians, Japanese — were arriving every month, and even more would soon be on their way.

Stanekzai acknowledged that there were risks for visitors — two backpackers, one Swiss and the other Norwegian, were stoned to death last year — but he said there was also lots to see: historical sites, places of great natural beauty and attractions that might appeal to students of Afghanistan’s recent troubles. ‘’For example,'’ he said, leaning closer, ‘’Tora Bora.'’ He was referring to the remote mountain outpost near the Pakistani border where, in a network of tunnels, Osama bin Laden apparently escaped his pursuers in 2001. ‘’It is a very important place,'’ he said. ‘’Not only during the war, but during the Taliban period as well.'’

Hmmm. I’m either with you or against you. But isn’t the war still on?

He took a sip of tea. There was, he admitted, just one problem. ‘’Mines,'’ he said. ‘’During the war, there were a lot of mines.'’ Soon, however, de-mining would begin there, he said, and then he had plans to put in a hotel and a restaurant.

Can I have the bill please, and a exit strategy?

It wasn’t all work work work at the Ministry for Tourism. The Chicago Tribune, 31 August 2008:

First the Soviets invaded. After they were pushed out, the civil war exploded, settled only when the harsh Taliban arrived. Through it all, the doors of the Afghan Tourist Organization, the government-run tourist agency, stayed open, but aside from the occasional journalist, no one walked in.

“It was a really boring job under the Taliban,” said Abdulkhalil Oryakhail, the agency’s deputy president. “We wore our turbans and sat in the office until 1 p.m. Then we put our turbans in our desks and went home.”

In 2004, only 165 tourists visited the country, but this increased to more than 4,000 in 2007.

“We’re thinking for the future,” said Nasrullah Stanekzai, the deputy minister for tourism. “We haven’t got good services for tourists. We need to review laws for tourists. We don’t have insurance for tourists. It’s a real problem.”

“And we also don’t have tourists.”

The challenge to rebuild tourism is huge. Some Afghan officials are planning for future tourist packages, perhaps combining the war on terror and tourism. For instance, tourists could see where Osama bin Laden or his family once lived or they could tour the caves of Tora Bora, where major battles have been fought.

“It was a center for terrorism,” Stanekzai said. “It could be very interesting for people.”

When he’s not deputy ministring for tourism, he is a political pundit. The LA Times of September 17, 2005 ran:

No party or alliance is expected to win enough seats to dominate the lower house, analyst Nasrullah Stanekzai said.

“That’s very normal in Afghanistan, and we should all be prepared to see big battles in the parliament,” he added. “These could be fistfights or real, logical discussions.”

For all of these reasons, Afghanistan’s deputy minister for tourism deserves to be recognised as one of the most honest political spokespersons of our time.

Dr Nasrullah Stanekzai, I salute you.

The One Post That Will Send Me To Hell

Monday, November 26th, 2007

I was thinking of our obsession with round-the-clock information in these obsessed-with-round–the–clock–information times.

It affects those of us whose jobs in the news (for now) and professions which don’t sleep. I did a google search on 24/7 jobs, and it turns out it’s not a new thing. It’s millions of years old in fact, dating back to the Bible.

Job 24:7

They spend the night naked because they lack clothing; they have no covering against the cold.

As jobs go, that sounds really crappy. Also, they’re just going to outsource that stuff to India, because while we sleep in the west, someone is prepared to do that for half the price in a warmer climate.

Speaking of round the clock news, check out this verse for the perfect promo soundbite.

Matthew 24:7 (All Matthew, all the time)

For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

We’ll have those and other stories as they happen. Only on Matthew - DUN DUN DUN dundunDAAAA …. DUN DUN…

We can now go over to Lot’s wife who is live at the scene of the fires and rape of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot’s wife, can you tell us what you see?

Lot’s wife?

Well we seem to have lost the sound on our feed, there. Our apologies and we’ll have more on that story just as soon as we get it.

Coming up next on Matthew: salt. How much is too much?

Tomorrow:The Wisdom Of Nasrullah Stanekzai

Gay Porn Scrabble

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

I was playing Facebook scrabble with a mate when we both recognise a distinct homoerotic subtext going on with the words.


Just me?

Transcript: Emergency Call

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Husband: “Doctor, my wife is on the verge of giving birth to an iPhone, a GPS system, a police radio scanner, a USB hub and an external hard drive.”

Doctor: “How far apart are the contraptions?”

BANG! Still got it. 


Advertisement
If you are interested in GPS Systems then you can compare prices and buy GPS from our shops.

Oh Yeah, I Meant To Say

Saturday, November 24th, 2007

Company blogging policy forbids me from talking about it, but if you’re so inclined I bet there’s some stuff on google. I was told this week I will be made redundant as part of a restructure at AOL UK.

Now watch how much I fucking bounce back.


Related post
Boing

Weekend Song - John Butler Trio

Saturday, November 24th, 2007

This week deserves a happy ending. It calls for affirmative lyrics. It calls for a hip-hop shuffle beat and a slow, growling bass. It calls for distorted guitar and a catchy chorus. Man, you know what it really needs? A banjo solo.

No such thing, right?

Pishtoss, piffle, horsepucks and nonsense.

All I know is sometimes things can be hard
but you should know by now
they come and they go.
So why, oh why
do I look to the other side?
‘Cause I know the grass is greener but
just as hard to mow.

Listen: Better Than


Related page
Weekend Song archive

Video Blog - Readers’ Letters

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

I also messed up the joke - it’s his boss’s wife, not secretary. Doofus.

You know, every time now I drive past a bunch of cranes and buildings and I watch at the perspective change, I half expect them to converge into a giant 4.

My thoughts at the moment are flipping around like hummingbirds on crack.

Look after yourself. Weekend song tomorrow, followed by gay porn scrabble and later on, The Wisdom of Nasrullah Stanekzai.

Have a great weekend.

Just For One Day

Thursday, November 22nd, 2007

Certainly I can help you with that today sir from your Find The Heroes password can I have please the temerds character.I’ve been watching Heroes, where ordinary people with extraordinary lives can do extraordinary things.

There’s the cop who can get himself promoted and save his marriage, the politician who practically lives with his mother but no one thinks it’s dodgy, a Japanese guy who can learn English in three weeks, a heroin addict with a massive apartment in Manhattan and Mr Teasmade who can bring water to the boil just by touching a glass.

There are others, but as I understand it, the whole “Find The Heroes” operation was outsourced to bloke in India. He was better educated than most American agents and probably cheaper, so he was allowed to carry out his research funded by money from the west. Then he died, but instead of moving back to the States and creating jobs where all the heroes seem to be in the first place, his son took over.

In the US, union pressure demanded that some agents had to be based in-country, so they ran a domestic operation out the back of a paper factory in Texas, but really the bulk of the work is done by the dead guy’s son, a mild mannered chap with an English accent and an excellent telephone manner. Nepotism and outsourcing - nice.

Of course, when the shit starts hitting the fan they don’t expand the US operation, they bring the guy in from India to the US where he continues to work separately from the mainland operation, using his father’s old office space, again saving on overheads and setup costs.

Meanwhile, everyone in the US office seems to be a manager. It’s a cautionary tale and a modern fable of “too many chiefs, too many Indians”.

My bank has outsourced its calling centre to India. I promise you this - I called the other day and was asked: “And how are you spelling Jones?”

Um, the same way you are spelling Jones. I felt like asking them how they are spelling three hundred and seventy five pounds and fifty three pence.

Thinking about it, I really should have. For my records.

Why can’t I have records? Why can’t they object to likeminded customers contacting them from time to time with queries that might be of interest? Why can’t my system go down? I have a system. Why can’t I record calls for security and training purposes?

T-W-A-T-S. Twats.

Sadness And Laughter On The Winter Approach

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007

It’s almost winter and everything’s bugging me lately. I need sunshine and I find myself drawn towards negative people and things.

That’s bad on its own, and not the best prescription for winter blues, I don’t think there’s anything too wrong with it.

I think that it’s necessary to feel a range of emotions. I suspect that people who are happy all the time are either enlightened or have a very narrow spectrum of feelings. I know someone who is happy all the time but enthusiastic about nothing and I think it’s less of a life that one with laughter and singed with anger, heartache or frustration. For me, anyway.

Sadness can be a catalyst and it’s going to be with me. CS Lewis said: “Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection: the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.”

That’s all the kick I need, so I’m going to start doing things to make me happy. This time of the year has got my spirits at a low ebb, so I may as well -

Fucking hell, that’s it! - OK, right -

Just at that moment as I was writing that line, the steward on my bus down me and reached into his pocket and pulled out a five pound note for the man sitting next to me.

The man was asleep, so the steward said softly: “There you go”, but the man didn’t stir. The steward waved the note across me and in front of him and said: “That’s five pounds for you”, but the man kept sleeping. The steward was torn between not wanting to wake the man and making sure he got his change, but he wasn’t having much luck.

I turned to the man and tapped him on the shoulder. Bleary and a little startled, he lifted his head and saw the money. He took it with mumbled thanks and nodded to me before returning to nod off.

I felt a little guilty about waking him, so I said: “There’s a man trying to give you money, you want to wake up.” He laughed softly to himself and shut his eyes and drifted off back to sleep.

And that’s what I’m talking about.

Be sad when you need to. Listen to Mahler. Sing The Water Is Wide. Watch an England match. Share regrets with your old parents and/or put flowers on their graves. Fall in love. Or, for that matter, fall out. Read poems about the deaths of small children. Study demise and learn from it.

You need to cry. Sadness shouldn’t be a foreign language, but it shouldn’t be your native tongue. You absolutely need to have it, because if you don’t, you will and when you do, you won’t know what’s going on.

Make someone them laugh, send them a job you think they’d be perfect for, encourage their creative side, buy them a really good coffee and think about where they should to go on holiday because you know they’d love it - and do all of these things for yourself.

We’ll all feel better. You never know, next time you wake up, a man could be trying to give you money and that’s not so bad. Unless you’re a prostitute.

Gone

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Gone
It’s advice, not a job description.

I Write The Songs, I Write The Songs

Monday, November 19th, 2007

Sunrise this week in LondonHere’s an idea that’s been going around. Put you ipod on shuffle and write the opening lines of the first twenty-fove songs. Easy post, hey? Well it’s Monday. I added my own twists on it with some glib reactions, and I can’t take much credit for that. It’s supposed to tell me stuff about myself or something because my ipod is so sensitive.

So here we go. Ready? Can we check the levels? Are past the leader? The leader. It’s that see-through bit that tapes used to have before the music bit. Tapes? Tapes. Are you kidding me?

We on? OK.

1
There are ladies in my life. Lovely ladies in these lazy days. And though I never took a wife, may I say that I have loved me one or two.
James Taylor - Places In My Past
Wow. There are ladies in my life. Next.

2
I am the lineman for the county and I drive the main road.
Wichita Lineman - Glen Cambell
Hmmm… I run the newsdesk and Welcome Screen for AOL UK. My bus drives the main road though. So far so good.

3
My friends from high school married their high school boyfriends, moved into houses in the same zip code where their parents lived.
Taking the Long Way - Dixie Chicks
I did go to high school, but not many of my friends married blokes, on account of their being straight men.

4
I have heard the big music and I’ll never be the same.
The Big Music - The Waterboys
I’ve never measured my music. What a shitty idea for a post. I am regretting this and I’m only on number 4.

5
The general scratches his belly and thinks. His pay is good but his officers stink.
Bombs Away - The Police
This could be about work again. Yeah, I’ll give you that one.

6
I had a friend named Lee, he cast a spell, a spell on me.
Lee - Tenacious D
I had a friend named Lee. He designed web pages, designed web pages for me. And he spelled it Leigh.

7
Once divided, nothing left to subtract.
Nothingman - Pearl Jam
This is a maths one, yeah? I’m shit at maths.

8
Well you know that it’s going to be all right. I think it’s going to be all right. Everything will always be all right when we go shopping.
Shopping - Barenaked Ladies
I have to do my Christmas shopping. I’m useless. Thanks BNL.

9
Freezing, rest his head on a pillow made of concrete.
Even Flow - Pearl Jam
I need to get more sleep. This seems to be all about advice.

10
I can’t stand it for another day, when you live so many miles away.
Next to You - The Police
Ipod, you fucker.

11
Yesterday, I never knew the things I knew today.
Not Today - Randal Hesper
Way off. I’m probably none the wiser since this time last year.

12
Another long quiet night. Another long quiet lonely night spent at your side.
1,000 Miles an Hour - OK Go
This is about my blog, obviously.

13
Hey, girl, stop what youre doin!
Hey, girl, you’ll drive me to ruin.
Communication Breakdown - Led Zeppelin
Probably about my blog again.

14
He selects the plainest face from a spiteful row of girls.
Harpies Bizarre - Elvis Costello
I’m dumbfounded by a brilliant opening line.

15
So you never knew love
Until you crossed the line of grace

Please - U2
I don’t like U2’s smug lyrics. Sometimes they are brilliant. Who else can get away with “Sisters! Brothers!” But then they go and say the line about his sorrows learning how to swim and I think I’m on some hidden camera show where someone’s going to pop out at me listening to it and say: “Eh? You believed it for a second, though, didn’t you.” And I’ll go: “Damn. I thought: ‘That can’t be right. Nice one, fellas.”

16
Take us. Take us to your planet. We got enough we can’t stand it.
We are The Pipettes - Pipettes
This is about work again.

17
yoo hoo [3x]
there goes my gun [4x]
looka me [3x]
there goes my gun [4x]
friend or foe [3x]
there goes my gun [4x]
There Goes My Gun - The Pixies
Possibly about work.

18
Looking at me, you’ll never find out what a working man is about.
Go Easy - John Martyn
Definitely about work.

19
Young velvet porcelain boy
Devour me when you’re with me
Blue wish window seas
Speak delicious fires
Candy Perfume Girl - Madonna
When I read this, I thought it said “Blue swish window seats” and so I though about my desk at work. I shouldn’t have written this on a Monday morning.

20
Busting flat in Baton Rouge, heading for the trains, feeling nearly faded as my jeans.
Me and Bobby McGee - Kenny Rogers
Another work thing? I wear jeans to work and I have been to Baton Rouge and taken the train, so that’s my guess because I’ve got, um - I’ve got… -what’s another word for “nothing left to lose”?

21
Here comes the sunshine. Here comes the son of mine. Here comes the everything. Here’s a song a song for him.
Bertie - Kate Bush
Bertie Bush? Really? Bertie “Babooshka” Bush?

22
You were the heart of the spot
But you wouldn’t tell me your name
You were like
“Girl you ready or not
To dance the entire night away”
Protect My Heart - Kelis
This would never happen with me, so as a cautionary tale, it’s wasted. I’d probably not be in a “spot”, disco, club or anything. and I’d never say that.

23
Looked beneath the shirt today, there was a wound in his flesh so deep and wide.
Lazarus Heart - Sting
This could be about the fractured rib I think I have. Can’t do anything about it because they don’t cut you open if you’re uncomfortable, but three weeks after the accident and every time I sneeze it feels like someone’s punching me from the inside. ach-CHOOOO, urhhhhhhh.

24
Doctor, yeah
I think we got some shit for ‘em (FLIP-MOOODE!)
Yeah I’ma rub these sticks together
Check it, and start a bonfire
Don’t Get Carried Away - Busta Rhymes
Proof that anyone can write R’nB song lyric if your voice has as much conviction as Busta Rhymes. I wonder if he’s related to Leanne. I always hear her name in my head as Rhianne Limes. Purveyor of the finest imported fruit in Swansea.

25
One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
Probably several nights to figure out what this all means.

Hilarious

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

I saw this over at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency this week and I had to share it.

It’s a list entitled Ways I’ve Let Down Popular Musicians

The last one is the funniest.

Also, this editorial outline for a nature documentary.

They are hilarious, hence today’s title.

Weekend Song - Newton Faulkner

Saturday, November 17th, 2007

It’s been so cold this week that I have felt the air coming through the keyhole before I turned the handle before slipping out the door into the dark morning. But I’ve been warmed up by an addiction to this song since I first heard it this week.

There are songs that make you feel like what you are doing is more important than what it is. Or they make you realise the real importance of what you are doing. Songs that let you know you’re having time instead of spending it.

I love Newton Faulkner’s voice. And I love his name, like he’s man of science and letters. It’s like being called F. Hawking Fitzgerald.

Galileo Twain.

Archimedes Hemingway.

And with that going for him and a stunning cover of this Massive Attack classic, you’ve got to hand him at least a little something.

Love - love is a verb.
Love is a doing word.
Fearless on my breath.

Listen: Teardrop

Related page
Weekend Song archive

Video Blog - The Time I Met Dizzy Gillespie

Friday, November 16th, 2007

This long overdue telling of a story I’ve referred to a few times.

I was eleven when the story this took place, by the way, not twelve or thirteen like I said. I know this because when I dug out the autograph, I saw he’d dated it ‘82. I think that’s funny also how he thought he should write something in French.

To Cliff. Bon. Dizzy Gillespie.

OK, you. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

Weekend song tomorrow and then something else on Sunday. Wrap up warm and see you back here on Monday. Have a great weekend.


Related post
Video Blog

Monty Don

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

Is it me, or does anyone else really like Monty Don?

I think he’s awesome. He’s a burley guy, with soft features. A working man well-spoken. Hands like shovels and a gentle soul. I’ve thought this for some time, so I just wanted to give props to the Mo Do because I know he’s a big This Is This fan.*

Also, he has written about depression a lot in a way that I really appreciated which has helped me understand the condition which whistles through the branches of my family tree.

I’d like to have a drink with the guy and talk about brassicas and acers. Until then, the best I can do is play the Gardener’s World drinking game, where you take a sip every time someone says the word compost.

Monty Don. I wonder if he gets a lot of post for Don Monty? I wonder if he gets on with Alan Titchmarsh? The reason I ask is because Monty fronts a successful show called Gardener’s World and Titchmarsh comes right along and cleans up with How To Be A Gardener, spinning off books and DVDs like crazy. Easy money. Have some respect for god’s sake, man. When Wayne’s World came along, I didn’t go and do How To Be A Wayne, did I?

Then Titchmarsh becomes the voice of Gordon The Garden Gnome while his hostas are still warm in the ground. Ruddy cheek.

Does anyone else remember that book from the 70’s about gnomes? Did it seem like everyone had a copy? That was bigger than disco. I fucking loved that book. The pictures of the bashful teenage gnome asking out by her nervous suiter. Papa gnome riding on the nose of a fox? The little lady picking shedded wool off a barbed-wire fence. That was a great idea. I don’t think publishers would take such a risk these days. Who knew an A3 (was it A3? Everything seemed bigger when you’re a kid) book would be so popular?

A lot of these references will be lost of American readers, so I throw in that last paragraph for you. You Tube him.

That’s advice, by the way, not an accusation.

* As far as I know, he is not known as the Mo Do and he has probably never read this site. I’m just joking around with you. Compost.

Also, Please

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Someone just said, after making a mock-savvy youth-culture reference, that they were “down with the kids”?

Really? Do people still stay that? Even jokingly?

Why not do the rapper arms? Care to give it the Bud Light “Wassaaaaaaap”? Ooh - how about “Suit you, sir”?

Here’s a catchphrase for you, and it’s a fucking classic:

COCK OFF.

So how’s your day going?

Midweek Story - A Brief History Of The Dead

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

I said I’d do this again someday and that day came sooner than expected. This is an extract from The Brief History Of The Dead, a densely romantic novel by Kevin Brockmeier which you can buy here in the US and here in the UK.

Please: A Brief History Of The Dead (extract)

It’s Getting Cold In London

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

It’s getting cold in London. People are making their cold faces, sour and pained, adorned with the expressions you or I would wear when we hear a note of tune. This year though, it seems easier to bear.

It has been an extraordinary year for a number of reasons, some of which I’ve written about. This blog won an award, someone stuck me in a podcast, I was in a book, I did some things I’m proud of, some I’m not. I went back to New York, I saw James Taylor and The Police and a whole scoop of other stuff.

There are a couple more events happening that I can’t talk about yet, but I promise I will very soon. I hate to say watch this space, but you know, some things are heading my way and this space is where you can hear about it.

It’s darker in the evenings, too, as we head towards the shortest days and fleeting mornings which tend to takes the pea out of my whistle, to put things mildly.

But there’s a bright, dry chill in the air that lets me think this year’s going to be different. This year’s white with black stripes.

This year, I’m catching myself on the way down. I’ve studied movements, checked the wind, I thought back to the days, and this year it’s going to be all right. This year I can hear the people cheering for my spirit, willing it to win the battles it once could not.

And it’s going to be OK, I think.

This year I’m hearing the signs, the small things, taking the credit against the nature of my character, affording the presumption of decency and feeling the hope that can be provided by a single detail.

Like the way my kids think magic is a verb, but only when it comes from me.

“Daddy, you magicked it.”

And yeah, I guess I did.

You guys, thanks for reading. My turn tomorrow with a return to the midweek story. Enjoy your day.

Easy As Falling Off A Blog

Monday, November 12th, 2007

See, you get a word that sounds like blog, and then you - oh you do get it.

It’s getting increasingly hard to keep life out of my blog and not to break my own rules. If I did, I know bad things would happen, and I know I would say “I should not have broken the rules”. Like when I undertook a car on my motorcycle that time on Parliament Square and the idiot was oogling at Big Ben to check the time. Idiot that he was, yes, but I was undertaking and I had promised myself I wouldn’t do that, so when he cut left and nearly hit me, I had him and me to blame.

My blogging rules, by the way, include not writing specific things about work, writing about family matters or health things. Oh, and starting any posts with the words “These days…”. I did have another one saying I was never going to write about writing, or blog about blogging, but I think that’s OK, because other people do and I find it interesting, so I guess it’s OK.

At the moment there are things going on. Not big things, but I will let you know soon.

Last week I was writing about things I need to do to improve my life. It didn’t last too long because I had a bad cold over the weekend, so I didn’t exercise, but I did bake cornbread muffins, spelt flour bread and ate a couple of apples. And went to bed at 11pm one night. But then last night I was up until 1:30 this morning, which is wrong because I wake up at 6.

I started reading about motorcycles and tests because I think I’m going to get one. The bus company just put the price up by twenty pounds a month and even with lessons and a test and everything it’s probably still going to be cheaper and easier and quicker than walking for two miles and waiting for a bus for half an hour.

The main concern is this. Or more specifically This Is This, because I write this on the bus. But if I have learned about writing over the course of four years, it’s that if I want to write, I will. It’ll happen. Just in the same way that not writing makes me write, like on holidays and things, I’ll find a way to write something. I’ll hopefully be gaining more time, so let’s see what happens.

First stop is to get a load of motorcycle catalogues and price together what this thing is going to cost me.

I will be careful. Stop it.

No you stop.


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I’ll Be Watching You

Sunday, November 11th, 2007

The view on the way to work

I'll Be Watching You
Click picture for details

Remember - 11/11/07

Sunday, November 11th, 2007

The Waste of Ghosts

Remember
Happy Birthday Walter
11/11

Weekend Song - Jimmy Smith

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

Jimmy Smith had an improvisation vocabularly that would make most soloists reel - this is over three chords and the fire never dies down.

On top of that he’s got great rhythm and a sense of showmanship that comes across in this recording from 1964. I saw him play in a club in Camden a few years back and he had grown men playing “air hammond” without a care in the world.

My dad used to play this all the time when I was a kid, his most famous recording “Got My Mojo Workin’” is a great tune but this tops even that.

I feel like Humphrey Littleton now. A national treasure, by the way, Humph.

I’ve had a great week and here’s how I feel by the end of it.

Listen: The Cat 


Related page
Weekend Song archive

Blog This Way

Friday, November 9th, 2007

I bet we have a lot in common, you and me.

It’s no big deal or anything. You read this because my character comes across, so it stands to reason that you may be of a like mind.

That’s something I’ve discovered from reading other people’s blogs. I can be reading a blog where the writer describes doing something and think: “That’s totally how I would react”. Or someone will put something a certain way and I’ll think: “Holy crap, that’s funny” - even if it isn’t a classically funny thing they’ve said. I’ll see a diagram of seating preferences on a tube and think - “I’d totally do that which millions wouldn’t.”

I like to think likeminded people find each other. They are drawn towards common traits of character, they come together the way geese do in a V when they fly.

Unless we’re all similar and we didn’t realise it until we started writing about ourselves.

Oooh, what if that’s it?

Quick, everyone write all there is to know about themselves in the comments below and let’s see if I’m right.

But whatever the reason, here we are and we’re not doing too bad.

Have a great weekend everyone. Weekend Song for sure, Sunday picture perhaps, maybe a little video - I dunno. Honestly, I’m making this up as I go.

Could Do Better

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

I had that a lot when I was a kid. School reports. You know.

“Cliff has the potential to excel.”

“Cliff needs to apply himself.”

And my favourite, from my history teacher:

“Cliff is a unique individual. An intensely private person, he has the ability to disrupt an entire class in a moment with a few words.”

And anyway - how can you really apply yourself. I mean, does that require some kind of special trowel? 

I don’t do as much as I should. It’s a weird quirk of human nature that we know what does us good and still we don’t do it. And even then, it’s not because it’s not fun, it’s just that we can’t be bothered.

I know I’m here every day with the words, but I can be very lazy. I don’t eat oranges because I can’t be moved to do all that peeling, but I’ll eat one if it’s there for me. Maybe I’m a narcissist, or maybe I just like words more that fruit.

There are weights and a meditation seat under the sofa upon which most nights your can find my arse, above which I’m watching a movie with a cup of tea while cats lap my ankles or I’m reading books or blogs. I know - I could do better, you don’t need to tell me.

But I enjoy writing, and I’m not hurting anyone, and blogs are worth reading. Joseph Mitchell, born in 1908 and columnist for New Yorker magazine and author of “Up In The Old Hotel” said: “The best talk is artless, the talk of people trying to reassure or comfort themselves.”

I like that, even though the New Yorker turned down a story I sent them a couple of weeks ago. Still, if I was to be turned down by anyone, it’d be them. A lot of it could be because I use words like “it’d”.

Wendy had this great idea on where she considered pledging to do something to improve her situation if someone else did something to improve theirs. So like she eats more vegetables if someone contacts a friend they’ve fallen out of touch with.

So my things are:

Go to bed earlier
I am often up until 1am, rarely in bed before midnight. This isn’t healthy as I am out the door by 6:30.

Read more
Half an hour a day would do it. I have some great books waiting for me but I don’t read that much.

Exercise
Three times a week, twenty minutes a time. I just know it would pay for itself in the energy and vitality I’d gain.

Meditate
See above, except ten minutes at a time.

Bake
I was cooking some great bread before I stopped.
Why did I stop?
Lazy I guess.
Should I make the effort?
You know, I really should.

Fruit
A piece of fruit a day. One piece. Come on.

What is to stop me doing any of these things? Oh, that’s right. Sitting on my arse. How often do I think: “Hmm, I glad I watched that film”? Rarely. Those things I just mentioned - those are good things. They make my life better.

So nail it to the mast - what do you want to do and I’ll stick to my half of the bargain if you pledge something similar. Think of it as a bank of goodwill.

The Person

Wednesday, November 7th, 2007

I had some difficult news last week from an old friend. We went to a small boarding school together as part of a group who were, and in many cases still are, a close-knit bunch. That bond was made faster over the years by the deaths of several of us, the first of which started while we were still there, and continues with a fifth, who died last week.The smallest sliver of a moon against this morning's sunrise

School friends aren’t meant to die. When my dad was at school in Liverpool in the 1940’s, desk spaces became gaping holes created by the Luftwaffe’s indiscriminate raids on the city. But in peacetime late 80’s Surrey, that shit’s just not right.

Hearing of losing another last week winded me, especially as it brings the total dead to a quarter of us, give or take a life. I let a few of old classmates know - Facebook has made the spread of bad news a lot easier - and the reactions ranged from worry, anger and sadness rather than disbelief.

I’ll miss the person. I’m not entitled to give any more details here just in case the family want to keep it quiet, or if some mutual friend doesn’t know yet and finds out on my blog. This is not the place.

I want to tell stories about the stuff we used to do together because there were lots of firsts and formative experiences and things I admired, but I can’t. This is not the place to discover that someone you know has died. I can’t imagine friends sending round links of this page with the subject field: “Oh my god, have you read this?”

I’m OK with it - we had lost touch in the last few years and they were very sick last time I saw them. I was disgusted with myself for not talking to them longer on that occasion because they seemed so different. I saw the illness and not the individual, I admit it. Friends reassured me that my reaction was understandable, but I still felt a heavy shame and braved a sadness like a battery of violas.

We go on. The rest of us, I mean, although who knows about the dead? The living I can speak for, and among the school friends is a sense of humour and acceptance we didn’t have before our thirties. I wrote to one to tell him the news and I signed off the letter with “PS. You’re next.”

He would have got it, but I thougt it was too early to cross the line, so I deleted that part before I sent it. But if you can’t laugh, right?

It’s important to look forward, see what matters and be grateful for it.

I’m not a Christian by any stretch and although I don’t question why my friends died, I find myself in quiet moments thanking God that they lived.

Class of 1990 - carry on.

Nobody Likes A Wise Ass

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

I bought some printer catridges online last night and found myself unable to complete my purchase unless I answered two questions -

How did you find our site?

I found it asked too many questions for my liking.

What was your reason for buying?

I ran out of ink, so I needed new ink cartridges. You sell ink, so I thought I’d buy some.

That video thing went ok, though. Smoking jacket’s not going to happen though, Dawn. In fact, smoke THIS.

Is that a “British guy” thing, by the way? I will not be stereotyped, unless it is playing a villain in a bad soap opera. Although I don’t think Days Of Our Lives is (are?) beating a path to the doors of lanky tired-looking Englishmen who talk too fast and say “um” a lot.

And then there’s the swearing.


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Oooh Ahhh, Just A Little Bit

Monday, November 5th, 2007

For the record, the fireworks over the weekend weren’t very good.

Posted by Cliff under - blog entries that are written purely on the back of good headlines

Video Killed The Blogging Star

Monday, November 5th, 2007

No, hang on. If video killed the radio star, then who did the blogging star kill? And did video then also kill the blogging star, after serving time for his first murder? Or maybe the video guy and the blogging star are actually the same person, joining forces against the threat of personal video recorders?

Whatever, but Kathryn asks:

Well hello! I like the video blogging, not boring at all. Perhaps you should do the book readings via video? Or do you not do that anymore…?

I didn’t have a post today, so thank you for your question.

The answer is that I could do it, but not sure how interesting that would be. I don’t want to be the reading dork. Also, how much interest is there is someone looking at someone reading something written down from a book?

Also, technically, the book reading breaches copyright, and I think putting it on YouTube wouldn’t be cool, because it’s seen by a lot more people and that means broadcasting someone else’s work on a much bigger scale than this. The Sunday video was played 64 times so far, which is a lot of traffic relative to hits on this website.

While I was sticking to audio posts the focus was more on the page here and I would include links to buy the book and everything (without taking a referral free from Amazon, because I don’t really feel entitled to mooch). The video post kind of makes me the centre of attention on a bigger scale and that’s not fair on the original author.

Also, audio posts were getting about 5 or 6 plays in total, which is the literary equivalent of peanuts, and while I’m not going for popularity, I can spend more time writing, which seems to be a better use of time.

But if the video posts work, it’s a fun way to tell a story of my own and I might do some more of those.

Video Blog

Sunday, November 4th, 2007

A first misguided foray into video blogging. Not sure it’s me. I mean, it’s me, obviously, displaying early signs of Tom Hanks hair, but you know…


Weekend Song - Colin Hay

Saturday, November 3rd, 2007

Colin Hay is known to the world as the singer 1980’s Australian pop giants Men At Work and he remains is a spectacularly good singer and a great songwriter. I like his Australian/Scottish accent spread effortlessly over four octaves. Songs like Overkill are No Sign Of Yesterday are beautifully stark, but neither as much as this.

This song gets me. It really gets me. Enough of my yammering - this is a stunning tune about requited love lost which goes out for your old flame. Unless than old flame happens to me, in which case it’s going out for you. It was worth it. Just like the snow was worth the melting, it was worth it. Love always is.

I’m no longer moved to drink strong whiskey.
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don’t think I’d ever get over you.

Listen: I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You

Related page
Weekend Song archive

Call Me On The Line Call Me Call Me Any Anytime

Friday, November 2nd, 2007

I got a new phone yesterday. It’s black and shiny and it makes calls, records video clips and stuff like that.

I know lots of phones already do that, but I’ve had the same mobile for about five years. It didn’t have a camera, it couldn’t receive video files or use the internet properly, but it made calls well and the battery lasted about a week and a half on a single charge, and it came free with work, so why change, right? It was also tough as hell. The body is all cracked up but it still goes, and how many of us can say that?

Now the trouble starts. I have quite an obsessive personality. If I read a book about the US Civil War, I will stay up until very small hours for weeks afterwards browsing websites for accounts of the battle of Gettysburg. If I watch a TV show I like, I programme the PVR to record every episode, then get cranky if I don’t make time to watch them. That’s why I have never seen an episode of The Sopranos. I know what I’m like.

On the plus side, I rave, I am passionate, I enthuse and delve. The downside, is that I become blinkered, obsessed, needy, like a child.

My wife knows this. She said last night, before I had said anything: “You’re not going to tell me about your phone non-stop for the next two days, are you?”

I had said nothing. I was reading leaflets. Of course I won’t. Now why would I do that. Listen to yourself: “…next two days….” Who would do that?

So my phone, right.

I was reading leaflets, and that’s how it starts. Now I want to know everything about what my phone can do. If I don’t know it, it’s a waste. What does 3G mean? I mean, really mean. That’s why I was up until the early hours of this morning pouring over features. And it seems all right.

I like how technology can teach us things about ourselves that we may not have known. We learn about our characters as we programme them. It’s a nice affirmation of the shrinking space between things and us.

Rob, is that a TIT4 statement?

Either way, have a good weekend. And that goes for everyone. I don’t want to hear it. Now go on. I’ll be right here. The guy with the shiny black phone.


Related post (although not strictly to this)
I have been writing about blogging a lot this week and remembered this post, which you might like.

Internet Movers And Shakers

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

I’m not really in with the Internet movers and shakers. I know they are out there because they know people I know. I’ve been in the online business since 1996, when I joined AOL UK and the whole company could fit in one room.

I joined from The Guardian and most of the people there thought I was crazy to leave a national newspaper. But the newspaper didn’t have a website in those days and I was growing less interested in crossing my t’s than I was dotting my coms.

Despite eleven years (man and boy) in the business I know a lot of people but I don’t think any of them move or shake any differently depending on what I do. I’m not a member of the weberati, I’m no internaught - at best I’m a digicrat.

Obviously I’m a word guy. I know what works online. I get it, I’m just not doing the clicky clicky shakes. I do think it’s funny how someone’s going to stumble across this article by searching for “internet movers and shakers” and find out absolutely nothing. Yesterday someone came here looking for “good words to put on your facebook status“.

OK, maybe I’m playing myself down a bit. I know a lot of people in the business, and I know what works online, but then I’ve been doing this for eleven years, so I’m bound to have picked up a few things.

Anyway, next week sees the launch of This Is This + 1, where you can catch all your favourite posts one hour later than they normally go live. Obviously this takes a lot more work on my part, but hey - you’re worth it.

I’m working of a system which will allow these pages to be rendered on demand, but until then you’ll just have to settle for the technology everyone else uses.

(wipes brow, flips down visor and goes back to welding)