Could Do Better
I had that a lot when I was a kid. School reports. You know.
“Cliff has the potential to excel.”
“Cliff needs to apply himself.”
And my favourite, from my history teacher:
“Cliff is a unique individual. An intensely private person, he has the ability to disrupt an entire class in a moment with a few words.”
And anyway - how can you really apply yourself. I mean, does that require some kind of special trowel?
I don’t do as much as I should. It’s a weird quirk of human nature that we know what does us good and still we don’t do it. And even then, it’s not because it’s not fun, it’s just that we can’t be bothered.
I know I’m here every day with the words, but I can be very lazy. I don’t eat oranges because I can’t be moved to do all that peeling, but I’ll eat one if it’s there for me. Maybe I’m a narcissist, or maybe I just like words more that fruit.
There are weights and a meditation seat under the sofa upon which most nights your can find my arse, above which I’m watching a movie with a cup of tea while cats lap my ankles or I’m reading books or blogs. I know - I could do better, you don’t need to tell me.
But I enjoy writing, and I’m not hurting anyone, and blogs are worth reading. Joseph Mitchell, born in 1908 and columnist for New Yorker magazine and author of “Up In The Old Hotel” said: “The best talk is artless, the talk of people trying to reassure or comfort themselves.”
I like that, even though the New Yorker turned down a story I sent them a couple of weeks ago. Still, if I was to be turned down by anyone, it’d be them. A lot of it could be because I use words like “it’d”.
Wendy had this great idea on where she considered pledging to do something to improve her situation if someone else did something to improve theirs. So like she eats more vegetables if someone contacts a friend they’ve fallen out of touch with.
So my things are:
Go to bed earlier
I am often up until 1am, rarely in bed before midnight. This isn’t healthy as I am out the door by 6:30.
Read more
Half an hour a day would do it. I have some great books waiting for me but I don’t read that much.
Exercise
Three times a week, twenty minutes a time. I just know it would pay for itself in the energy and vitality I’d gain.
Meditate
See above, except ten minutes at a time.
Bake
I was cooking some great bread before I stopped.
Why did I stop?
Lazy I guess.
Should I make the effort?
You know, I really should.
Fruit
A piece of fruit a day. One piece. Come on.
What is to stop me doing any of these things? Oh, that’s right. Sitting on my arse. How often do I think: “Hmm, I glad I watched that film”? Rarely. Those things I just mentioned - those are good things. They make my life better.
So nail it to the mast - what do you want to do and I’ll stick to my half of the bargain if you pledge something similar. Think of it as a bank of goodwill.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
You cut the orange into quarters of course, with a massive shiny knife (maniacal laugh optional). No need to peel it, you get to eat some fruit, and the bonus feature is that you get to legitimately play with a potentially deadly weapon.
What’s not to love?
November 8th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Angry - There’s juice and it makes a mess and gets on your hands. They also make a noise. I am not mad.
November 8th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
But if you eat a piece of orange a day it’ll go off by the time you get to the last piece.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Actually, Mr Angry’s method works, because I use it. If you cut the orange cleanly into quarters, it won’t make a mess. Then, with one swift movement, you tear the quarter orange out of its peel with your teeth, and into your mouth. Repeat three times.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Okay buddy, let’s pledge. All of the things you mention are things I’d like to do more of too. Or even some of. I say that like I’m reading, but just not enough. I’m not reading at all. I’ve been reading (or not reading) the same book for over 6 months. Tolstoy it ain’t, either.
How about this. Friday, we each eat a piece of fruit. Saturday, we get some exercise (walking counts) and eat another piece of fruit. Sunday, we’re both in bed by 11.15pm, we read for at least 20 minutes and we eat another piece of fruit (not in bed).
That’s easy, right? And I want video evidence, except for the going to bed bit. And the exercise. And the messy fruit eating. Actually - no offence, but watching you read might not be that much fun either.
I’ll take your word for it.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
OK.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
OK?
OK, what?
November 8th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
OK I’ll eat a piece of fruit a day.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
And you’ll get some excercise?
November 8th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Yes, fine, whatever. Anything else?
November 8th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
And you’ll be in bed by-
November 8th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
-I’ll be in bed by 11.15pm on Sunday. I heard what she said. Happy?
November 8th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Very. You’ll thank me later.
And make sure he does, it too, readers. I know what he’s like.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
I said I’d DO it.
Anything to keep my conscience out of my blog.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
I heard that.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I don’t really know where to start, because then I won’t know where to stop, but okay… I’ll take 3 things:
To bed before midnight.
Up by 8.
Exercise. What you said.
In terms of what I need to be fixing in my life, that so isn’t remotely enough, but it would be a good start.
(Oh, and I also got the underachieving thing. And the disruptive thing. Psssh.)
November 8th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Think yourself lucky. I got “Wendy has discovered boys, and boys have discovered Wendy” in my 3rd year drama report.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Wendy - in that order? Also, if I eat a really big piece of fruit, does that count as a workout? But yeah, you’re ON.
Scroob, too. Post back here and let’s rock this shit.
(…in a sensible-living way that improves our wellbeing and consquently benefits others.)
November 8th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
You could combine three things and then have a few days off - go for a walk eating an orange and reading a book. Leave the knife at home though…
I can’t pledge to do anything because I put the brakes on the things the moment I feel obliged to do them. *twitch*
Oranges = migraines for me so I have a legitimate excuse (don’t I?) As for other fruits - yuk! Vegetables are nicer.
November 9th, 2007 at 1:24 am
Forget the orange. Eat a grape and be done with it.
November 9th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Yes, in that order. The other way round would be creepy.
And grapes? Easy. You don’t even need to chew.
November 9th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
And nobody bats an eyelid at Cliff talking to himself in his own comments?
November 9th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Someone spiked the oranges is all I can figure.
November 10th, 2007 at 10:46 am
OK, Friday. I ate a grape, went to bed at 11 and this morning (Saturday) I baked a spelt flour loaf of bread and a batch of corn muffins. Going for a walk later.
November 10th, 2007 at 11:19 am
That’s a very good point, Sam.
You did more than I did, Cliff. This is why I don’t make new year’s resolutions. Bed at 11 on a Friday is very impressive.
What’s spelt flour?
November 15th, 2007 at 1:25 am
I’m begging you, please don’t bake bread. This idea that it will make you a better person - it’s all subtle propaganda from the yeast industry. You can buy bread at the supermarket - go to a decent one and you can even get, like, brown bread as well as white. And head for a bakery and you can get any kind of bread you want. And cakes, too!
And do you know what? You could walk to the bakery and back. You could, you know it! And on the way back, you could even stop and buy a copy of The Big Issue… oh man, think how much good you’re doing right there just by NOT breaking bread.