This Is This

Here’s an idea that’s been going around. Put you ipod on shuffle and write the opening lines of the first twenty-fove songs. Easy post, hey? Well it’s Monday. I added my own twists on it with some glib reactions, and I can’t take much credit for that. It’s supposed to tell me stuff about myself or something because my ipod is so sensitive.

So here we go. Ready? Can we check the levels? Are past the leader? The leader. It’s that see-through bit that tapes used to have before the music bit. Tapes? Tapes. Are you kidding me?

We on? OK.

1
There are ladies in my life. Lovely ladies in these lazy days. And though I never took a wife, may I say that I have loved me one or two.
James Taylor - Places In My Past
Wow. There are ladies in my life. Next.

2
I am the lineman for the county and I drive the main road.
Wichita Lineman - Glen Cambell
Hmmm… I run the newsdesk and Welcome Screen for AOL UK. My bus drives the main road though. So far so good.

3
My friends from high school married their high school boyfriends, moved into houses in the same zip code where their parents lived.
Taking the Long Way - Dixie Chicks
I did go to high school, but not many of my friends married blokes, on account of their being straight men.

4
I have heard the big music and I’ll never be the same.
The Big Music - The Waterboys
I’ve never measured my music. What a shitty idea for a post. I am regretting this and I’m only on number 4.

5
The general scratches his belly and thinks. His pay is good but his officers stink.
Bombs Away - The Police
This could be about work again. Yeah, I’ll give you that one.

6
I had a friend named Lee, he cast a spell, a spell on me.
Lee - Tenacious D
I had a friend named Lee. He designed web pages, designed web pages for me. And he spelled it Leigh.

7
Once divided, nothing left to subtract.
Nothingman - Pearl Jam
This is a maths one, yeah? I’m shit at maths.

8
Well you know that it’s going to be all right. I think it’s going to be all right. Everything will always be all right when we go shopping.
Shopping - Barenaked Ladies
I have to do my Christmas shopping. I’m useless. Thanks BNL.

9
Freezing, rest his head on a pillow made of concrete.
Even Flow - Pearl Jam
I need to get more sleep. This seems to be all about advice.

10
I can’t stand it for another day, when you live so many miles away.
Next to You - The Police
Ipod, you fucker.

11
Yesterday, I never knew the things I knew today.
Not Today - Randal Hesper
Way off. I’m probably none the wiser since this time last year.

12
Another long quiet night. Another long quiet lonely night spent at your side.
1,000 Miles an Hour - OK Go
This is about my blog, obviously.

13
Hey, girl, stop what youre doin!
Hey, girl, you’ll drive me to ruin.
Communication Breakdown - Led Zeppelin
Probably about my blog again.

14
He selects the plainest face from a spiteful row of girls.
Harpies Bizarre - Elvis Costello
I’m dumbfounded by a brilliant opening line.

15
So you never knew love
Until you crossed the line of grace
Please - U2
I don’t like U2’s smug lyrics. Sometimes they are brilliant. Who else can get away with “Sisters! Brothers!” But then they go and say the line about his sorrows learning how to swim and I think I’m on some hidden camera show where someone’s going to pop out at me listening to it and say: “Eh? You believed it for a second, though, didn’t you.” And I’ll go: “Damn. I thought: ‘That can’t be right. Nice one, fellas.”

16
Take us. Take us to your planet. We got enough we can’t stand it.
We are The Pipettes - Pipettes
This is about work again.

17
yoo hoo [3x]
there goes my gun [4x]
looka me [3x]
there goes my gun [4x]
friend or foe [3x]
there goes my gun [4x]
There Goes My Gun - The Pixies
Possibly about work.

18
Looking at me, you’ll never find out what a working man is about.
Go Easy - John Martyn
Definitely about work.

19
Young velvet porcelain boy
Devour me when you’re with me
Blue wish window seas
Speak delicious fires
Candy Perfume Girl - Madonna
When I read this, I thought it said “Blue swish window seats” and so I though about my desk at work. I shouldn’t have written this on a Monday morning.

20
Busting flat in Baton Rouge, heading for the trains, feeling nearly faded as my jeans.
Me and Bobby McGee - Kenny Rogers
Another work thing? I wear jeans to work and I have been to Baton Rouge and taken the train, so that’s my guess because I’ve got, um - I’ve got… -what’s another word for “nothing left to lose”?

21
Here comes the sunshine. Here comes the son of mine. Here comes the everything. Here’s a song a song for him.
Bertie - Kate Bush
Bertie Bush? Really? Bertie “Babooshka” Bush?

22
You were the heart of the spot
But you wouldn’t tell me your name
You were like
“Girl you ready or not
To dance the entire night away”
Protect My Heart - Kelis
This would never happen with me, so as a cautionary tale, it’s wasted. I’d probably not be in a “spot”, disco, club or anything. and I’d never say that.

23
Looked beneath the shirt today, there was a wound in his flesh so deep and wide.
Lazarus Heart - Sting
This could be about the fractured rib I think I have. Can’t do anything about it because they don’t cut you open if you’re uncomfortable, but three weeks after the accident and every time I sneeze it feels like someone’s punching me from the inside. ach-CHOOOO, urhhhhhhh.

24
Doctor, yeah
I think we got some shit for ‘em (FLIP-MOOODE!)
Yeah I’ma rub these sticks together
Check it, and start a bonfire
Don’t Get Carried Away - Busta Rhymes
Proof that anyone can write R’nB song lyric if your voice has as much conviction as Busta Rhymes. I wonder if he’s related to Leanne. I always hear her name in my head as Rhianne Limes. Purveyor of the finest imported fruit in Swansea.

25
One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
Probably several nights to figure out what this all means.

Also on This Is This
There is no quiet way to ransack a bathroom. Benjamin Franklin said that.
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This entry was posted on Monday, November 19th, 2007 at 8:34 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or you can skip to the end and leave a comment yourself.