Quiet, Isn’t It?
Ah yes - the deal. It’s not that I’ve been finding it hard to write lately. I write easily, I think of the random crap that seems to lend itself very kindly to blogging. I’m not showing off when I say this because it’s equally uncool that I find it hard not to write. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why I need to take a break, because if I don’t decide to stop, I will keep writing every day and my thoughts and hours will be spent on here, which is time not spent generally living.
Over the last year, every trip into town on the bus was spent typing out that morning’s thoughts and a certain portion of the evening was dedicated to checking the reaction to those thoughts. That’s time when I could have been entertaining myself with a book, or a new album or watching a film or playing guitar or even doing something useful.
I know I’ll keep writing. I always have. I’m a creative person. I’m not totally comfortable with the performance aspect of it, but that changed gradually over the last ten years when I no longer saw the point of not sharing the stuff I was producing anyway. One time when I was fourteen, I spent the first five hours of a transatlantic flight hunched over a pad of paper when a flight attendant eventually said, “Wow, you’ve spent this whole time writing.” I smiled shyly and slid the many sheets of paper into my hand luggage and watched the movie. No one would have read it anyway in those days, which was a shame, but then so was even being noticed writing.
Which is bullshit, I know that now. There’s nothing wrong with sharing what you do if people enjoy it. Garrison Keillor encourages performance and urges people not worry about what anyone else thinks. He said: “Get over yourself. Yes, you’re unique, but so is everyone else.”
I can also say that at my best, on a good day and with a tailwind, I can write worth measuring up to some of the stuff I would enjoy reading myself, and I’m not that much different from a lot of people who may think the same.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been asking myself if I should keep updating the blog at all. While I can’t come up with an answer to that, I think that asking the question is reason enough to rest in itself. I’m not sure if there has to be a point of not sharing, or of blogging or not blogging, but again - if I have to ponder the point, then it’s probably time to stop. For a bit.
Lately I made a few audio posts, then video stuff, which I have enjoyed a lot. Last week I even put up a podcast feed on itunes, so the kids could subscribe and download updates on their pods of i. It even looked pretty cool, my stuff up there alongside Clive James and NPR’s Driveway Moments. But I stopped short of producing anything since because I thought it would just develop into another thing that I push myself too hard to do.
Last year I published 120,000 words, which is something, but that’s in the shadow of last November and December when I nearly deleted this whole site on three occasions because I had become overstretched and resentful - and nobody likes a Mister Grumpyblogs.
Charles Shultz wrote Peanuts every day for fifty years and that’s an awesome achievement. He could walk over the street, have breakfast and read the papers, open his mail and doodle all morning and produce something by lunch. Or maybe that’s how he managed to do it.
I even toyed with the idea of creating a different blog, just for a laugh while I took a break. It was a good idea that a friend came up with, I even wrote a post before Christmas. I would have pointed to it from here. I wasn’t going to keep it up, it would have just been for a joke. But the point is not that “I hate my blog”, just that I need a break.
You never know. I may find that I have to post a lot if indeed that’s how I roll. If that’s the case, then I’ll see you back here in a bit. But first I have to find out how it is I do roll, because over the last year I set out to post every day and that’s what I did without so much as a thought for my rolling. OK, twice I think I missed a post in November when I was getting cranky, but then I posted four or five posts over the following two days. Admittedly some of them were just plain odd.
This is a break. Thanks for the messages. It might be two weeks, it might be two months. I doubt it will be any longer, but it might be and I’ll let you know. Sonny Rollins did the thing with the Williamsburg Bridge and maybe I’ll do the same. If so, I promise you that when the posts do return, this site will be better than before. Honestly, you’ll love it. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll lose fifteen pounds, you’ll fight to get a ticket, but before that happens I need to miss writing again and that can only occur by not doing it.
Thank you from all of me at This Is This and have a happy New Year.
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 am
Interesting thoughts, Cliff. I’ll miss your daily wittertainment (that’s not meant to denigrate what you write, btw), but I totally understand where you’re coming from.
And I love the That Was That idea - v. good.
I’ll keep checking in to see if you change your mind, though. In the meantime, enjoy playing the guitar!
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 am
Thanks a lot Rob. Wittertainment’s fine. I had to look up the word denigrate, anyway, so no offence taken.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I took a break, or a sabbatical as I termed it on my blog. It ended up lasting about a month and I returned with more vigour and have enjoyed blogging more because of it. Good luck.
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Cliff, there is one thing you must always remember…..
but I forget what it is. I think it might be ,Better Musicianship through Louder Amplificationl.
I’m just not sure. I took a knock on the head on Saturday and I’m still groggy.
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Okay, how’s this for a deal?
1. I’ll leave This Is This in my feeds and on my blogroll.
2. You post when you’re in the mood, as much or as little or as often or as not as you’d like.
See, I love reading your stuff, but I don’t actually expect you to post every single day. Or even every single week. I’m lucky if I manage a post every month.
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:08 pm
What she said. (K. Newton, above). Apart from the ‘I’m Lucky’ bit. She is just idle.
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Also what she said, and what he said, apart from the ‘Apart from’ bit. He is just mean.
January 4th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Same as Katy. Thinking about you thinking about having a break has made me think about whether I should be writing what I write. But anyway - I’m even going to check here first every day just because that’s the regard I hold This in.
Have your break, take 6 months if you need to.
We’ll be waiting.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:46 am
I am not idle. I am unimaginative. There is a subtle but important difference.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Apart from that, what JonnyB, Anna and Sam said about what I said.
January 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I agree with what Anna said about what they said, but you can leave in the ‘apart’ bit, and take out the mean bit.
January 4th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I am a man apart. I think Katy’s just busy.
January 4th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Yes, what they all said. Except the 6 months bit. I don’t have the patience of a Sam.
But also…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Meg over at meish.org has tagged Cliff in a meme! He’ll never be able to resist.
Genius Meg, just genius.
January 5th, 2008 at 1:24 am
NO! No 13!
January 7th, 2008 at 10:01 am
I see what you did there.
January 9th, 2008 at 12:44 am
You’ve got a great blogsite here, Cliff.
Hope you have a good break, and that you’ll return to blogging again sometime.
January 9th, 2008 at 6:41 am
I just found this so I hope you won’t delete it. It’s the only thing to genuinely make me laugh in a long time.
January 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am
What Katy said, plus what JonnyB said, minus what Anna said, and divided by what PJ said. Take the square root and then subtract the number that you originally thought of.
January 9th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
All this math makes my head hurt.
January 9th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I’m not going to draw your attention to my 5 gallon containers in that case, Ed.
January 10th, 2008 at 9:05 am
how strange that after all this time reading This - all the laughs, the smiles, the thoughtful insights you’ve provided and the introspection that you’ve provoked - i leave today thinking of Wendy’s 5 gallon containers.
look after yourself. i’d rather a happy Cliff and no blog to read than… well, the opposite.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Wendy, you are definitely not the first woman to try and draw my attention away from her five-gallon containers.
It’ll never work though.
Cliff! Wendy says that Katy says that she’s not going to directly address you until you post a new blog entry. Or something like that- I’ve been distracted by five-gallon containers and rowboats and stuff.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Ed - can you tell Wendy to tell Katy that I hope to post after a rest and when I feel happier and more relaxed. I mean I feel better, but my pig headed standards suggest that’s not good enough for the fine people who have left messages, including Wendy who does have the patience of a Sam, or Katy whose deal sounds very generously weighted in my favour.
Thank you to all the comment-leavers over the last week or so - you are the best.
Pete - Is it the three of diamonds?
PJ - Thank you. You’ve walked in during a rare quiet spell, but there are plenty of seats.
Justin - Thanks, I hope to.
James - A month, hey? Thanks for the advice.
Sam - Six months, hey? Thanks for the advice.
Meester - Thanks as always. Way too nice.
Anna, Jonny, Angry - what I said just then, except without the “Meester”
January 10th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Wendy, Tell Katy that Cliff says he’ll post when he’s darn good and ready, and not a moment sooner. He’s orobably upset that you beat him at Scrabulous six games straight.
I’m sorry, I might have gotten that wrong, I’m still thinking of containers.
January 10th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Not so quiet, is it?
January 11th, 2008 at 10:02 am
It seems to have turned into to a forum in Cliff’s absence.
Maybe we should change the title to “Cliff. Have your say”.
In fact Cliff - if you get a minute, could you sort that for us? Thanks.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Pah. We don’t need him.
I was thinking of making a chorizo and lentil soup at the weekend.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Yeah, that’s right. Stick loads of cheese in it, why don’t you?
Hey, you can’t alienate me on my own blog. Discuss THAT.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
All right, fuck it. Back tomorrow.
OK, BYE! Love you! ByeeEEEE!
I win, though. I am not mad.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Oh right. I was just getting used to you being gone. Oh well.
Or……
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, back to business. Sam, that sounds great. I’m going to have a go at making a nice Thai clear soup with prawns and lemongrass.
January 11th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Wendy plz tell Cliff that I will be inspecting my feeds reader carefully tomorrow for signs of ThisIsThisular activity.
Should I find any, I will probably start addressing Cliff directly again. Or I’ll start addressing everyone through you. I haven’t decided yet.
January 11th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
cliff, you ought to learn something from all this- if you ever want to up your comment count, you know what to do;)
I think I want a cheeseburger. Or a cheese omellete. Waiter!
January 11th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Yo, Cliff. Message from Katy. She will be inspecting her feeds reader carefully tomorrow for signs of ThisIsThisular activity.
Should she find any, she will probably start addressing you directly again. Or she’ll start addressing everyone through me. She hasn’t decided yet.
Katy. Ed wants a cheeseburger or a cheese omelette.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Ooooh - Katy’s getting food.
I’m going to the bar. Hot beer and chocolate for you?
January 11th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Wendy, please tell Cliff and Ed that I’m not some motherflipping waitress.
January 12th, 2008 at 12:33 am
I’d respond but Wendy isn’t currently around to relay the message, since apparently Katy’s only talking to me through WEndy.
Cliff! This time of year, I think it’s COLD beer and DARK chocolate, or was that Dark Beer and Hot chocolate? I think Wendy just jumbled her dream a tiny bit , is all.
Oh, great, now she’ll only talk to me through yoiu.
January 14th, 2008 at 9:59 am
It turned out quite nice, it’s more of a broth.