Perfect Bagels The This Is This Way
Welcome back and we’re going to the kitchens now to learn how to make perfect bagels. And they’re really easy to do, aren’t they, Cliff?
Yes, that’s right. Even if you’ve never baked bread and you don’t have a set of kitchen scales, you can bake perfect bagels if you have about half an hour to spare.
Half an hour? That’s great. Can I do it?
You sure can, Cliff, and we’re going to do it right here on the show.
Well, all right. You guys ready to cook some bagels? Let’s do it.
Ingredients
1 1/8 cups warm water (just above room temperature)
1 tbs vegetable oil
2 tbs malt syrup, molasses, or sugar (you can substitute maple syrup or honey if you like, but you’ll taste it. But go for it if you like.)
1 tsp salt
3 1/3 cup bread (or strong) flour
2tsp active dry yeast
Make your dough
a) If you have a mixer with a dough hook
Mix the water, syrup (or sugar or whatever your sweet thing is) and the yeast and let the liquid mixture stand for five minutes, then and add half the flour and all the other dry ingredients. Turn on the mixer for about a minute, then add the remaining flour until you have a ball. If it’s too dry, add more water a tablespoon at a time. The dough hook will do the kneading in about five minutes. Give it a three minutes on slow and about two on half speed to knock it about. If you’re using fast-acting yeast, skip the first rise. I use fast acting stuff and it works out fine.
b)If you’re mixing by hand
Mix the water, syrup (or sugar or whatever your sweet thing is) and the yeast and let the liquid mixture stand for five minutes. Put two cups of the flour with the salt in a large bowl and stir in the liquid. I’d use two wooden spoons for this, as it cuts down on mess. Then add the rest of the flour and stir a bit more until you get a dough. Turn this out onto a floured board. Remember to flour the board and your hands, never the dough. Knead by hand for about 10 minutes until smooth and elastic. Skip the first rise if you are using fast-acting yeast.
First rise
Bear in mind that most yeast sold in the supermarket is fast-acting, so you can probably skip this part. But if it’s ordinary yeast, put the dough in a large bowl. Brush oil lightly over one side of cling film and place this over the bowl with the greased side down. Let it sit in a warm place for about an hour. It should double in size, but don’t worry if it hasn’t risen by as much as that.
Whether you’ve skipped the first rise or not, you’ve not got your basic dough. Easy.
Shape the bagels
Give it a quick knead again to knock the air out a bit. It’ll all come out anyway, because next you’re going to roll it out flat about 14 inches across. Don’t worry about getting it exactly right, it’s just to get the dough breathing. I use the length of a rolling pin as a guide, like so:
Do this on a well floured surface with a rolling pin. If you don’t have one, you can skip this step. Once it’s flat, let it rest for five minutes. Then squish it all back together and with a divide it into eight pieces.
With two hands, make a ball out of each one. Don’t roll them out, just cup them in your hands like you’re making a snowball. Then flatten them slightly and stick a finger through the middle, keep turning them so they get stretched evenly as you pull the middles bigger and until you have a decent sized hole that you can get three fingers in.
Put these on a non-stick, lightly greased baking tray.
Second rise
Lightly brush oil on one side of some cling film and lay it oily side down across the top of the bagels in the tray.
Don’t make it too greasy, the oil is just there just to stop the dough sticking to the cloth, not to add any flavour or texture to the bagels. Leave them aside in a warm place and let them rise for about 20 minutes.
Preheat your oven now to about 220C/400F, because you’re going to need it really hot. And make sure you put a cake tray or shallow casserole dish in the bottom of the oven while it’s heating - I’ll come back to this in a second.
Boiling
While your oven is getting nice and hot, start boiling a large pot with at least 4 inches of water in it, and when your 20 minutes are up, and the bagels have risen under the cling film, you’re going to drop them into the boiling water. You can do 3 or 4 at a time, just make sure they have room to float around a bit.
They’re going to expand quite a bit, so start with a couple to begin with. Put them top side down into the water first, because they will look better in the end. They may sink down to the bottom for a bit, but they will rise up, and you want to boil them for about a minute each side, turning them once, before taking them out with a slotted spoon or a spatula and putting them on a rack. You could put them on a tea towel if you don’t have a rack, but don’t use a plate, because they need to dry off so let the air get to them to dry out a bit.
Baking
Brush them with a little water, add some poppy seeds, or sesame seeds or anything you like. Onions, cinnamon, whatever. If you’re adding nothing at all, still brush them with water because it’ll given them a light glaze. Put the bagels, now nice and puffy and thick, back onto your baking tray. You can pack them close together now - they aren’t going to rise any more.
Remember that shallow tray in the hot oven? That’s the key to a really good glaze, because you’re improvising to make a steam oven. Get a small glass of cold water or a half dozen ice cubes and pour/put them into the dish in the bottom of your oven. This will steam bake your bagels, which is the best way to cook them. Whack the bagels in straight away in the middle shelf and bake for 20 minutes or until the tops are golden brown. You can take them out halfway through and brush them with water. It’ll help with the finish, but don’t leave the oven door open longer than a few seconds, because you have to keep the oven hot for bagels. Don’t brush them too much if you’ve added poppy seeds, because they’ll fall right off.
And that’s it.
Let them cool on a rack.
They freeze really well because bagels are more dense than bread, but you’ll want to eat at least one straight away.
January 28th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Thanks for that, Cliff. I missed part of that though, because I was giggling off camera. Did you say…
“stick a finger through the middle, keep turning them so they get stretched evenly as you pull the middles bigger and until you have a decent sized hole that you can get three fingers in.”
You don’t mind dunking a bit of beef either, do you Cliff!
Coming up (hahahahahahaha!!!) after the break….
January 28th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Oh, and your bagels look yummy.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:11 am
“You don’t mind dunking a bit of beef either, do you Cliff!”
Oooh I say. She’s terrible isn’t she? hahahahahahaha!
Tell you what, though - you should see me with me French stick. Hahahahaha!
January 28th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Oh - free Gold Club membership to anyone who makes these and posts the results.
Remember that Gold Club means use of the pool, extra legroom and unlimited trips to the salad bar.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Oh my GOD I am turning into Wendy. I sniggered rudely at exactly the same bit. But, you know, looking good.
STICKY HAMSTER PENIS, of course.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Also, I hate to point this out but you said three fingers yet in the picture there are only two. I want my money back.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Sure, Katy. You’re right. How much do I owe you? Exactly HOW MUCH have you invested in this website over the last … say, three years. SAY IT.
January 28th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Let’s start by determining the value of my time. I think £500 per hour is a fair - nay, conservative - estimate of the value of my time.
OK, we’ve determined the value of my time. Now let’s think about how much time I spend on your website. I would say, given the amount of time I check back for updates, comments etc, that I spend approximately an hour a day on This Is This.
Excellent. We’ve determined the value of my time and how much time I spend here per day. And last year you posted every single day (bravo, Cliff, by the way).
So I estimate that last year alone I invested a minimum of £182,500 in This Is This.
I take cheques.
January 28th, 2008 at 11:58 am
With a guarantee card, obviously. So if you’ve got a £250 cheque guarantee card, you’ll need to write me out 730 cheques for £250.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I take cheques.
The piss is what you take, Newton. I have just signed a lucrative advertising deal on this site which covers my costs for a year, but would barely keep you hanging around for a couple of afternoons.
Wendy? Hang on a sec, I have to put some more change in Wendy.
Or - how about you spend half the time on this site, I’ll put up a new picture and we’ll call it quits, and you give me £91,250?
January 28th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
“Also, I hate to point this out but you said three fingers yet (blah blah blah) there are only two”
If I had a pound for every time I’ve said that …
January 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
… you’d be able to afford Katy for fifteen minutes.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Hang on. Was the “Wendy?” a request for mediation.
Happy to oblige. That’ll be £500 per hour, please. This looks like a fairly bitter battle. I’m guessing - a week, maybe? That’s £20K. Peanuts, I’m sure you’ll agree.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’ve just seen your last comment. I hereby withdraw my mediation services.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
See? See how I managed to insult both of you in fewer than ten words?
This is why people don’t leave comments.
Also “(blah blah blah)” to mask the actual words that I said? You are hilarious.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I fell at the first hurdle… above which room is the temperature of the water to be taken? My bedroom is above the kitchen, but if I put the water a little bit over to he other side, then it’s the bathroom. Help!
And and a three-fingered salute to all the double entendres.
Great post, Cliff. The build-up was worth the climax. And vice versa.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Damn… After teh “And” and before teh other “and” there was meant to be a ::::snigger::::. The shame of it.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Or - how about you spend half the time on this site, I’ll put up a new picture and we’ll call it quits, and you give me £91,250?
Hey! You can’t call it quits and then invoice me for £91,250! That’s calling it starts!
January 28th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
The piss is what you take, Newton.
It’s a fair cop. £500 for an hour of this, though. What’s not to like?
January 28th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
It’s a fair cop. £500 for an hour of this, though. What’s not to like?
Is that a visual gag?
January 28th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Oh no, that would be considerably more expensive.
(We already know what sort of woman I am. We’re just haggling over the price.)
January 28th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Pay them in like currency, Cliff- send them a bill for your time on their blogs, and don’t forget to charge them for the mentions and shout-outs you have given them. Double for links to their blogs.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
You know this started out as a pleasant blog post about how to cook bagels. All I have to do is say words like “hot”, “cupping” “sweet”, “hole” and “fingers” and it’s like the opening scene of Sticky Hamster Penis III in here. (Apparently)
You lot, honestly.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I muust point out that my hands and fingers are well above average in both length and girth, so what might be three fingers for someone else is only two fingers for me. Does this change anything?
January 28th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Just wait until you post your recipe for homemade sticky buns…
January 28th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Shall we agree to never speak of this again?
January 28th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
That’s Sticky Hamster Penis II you’re thinking of. Director’s cut.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Hang on, Wendy. Katy’s still going.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
I knew it. Just when I start to get involved, things get shut down. You’l be getting a bill for the full amount anyway.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I assure you, Ed, it’s Cliff I’m disgusted at. Although actually, I just scrolled up and now I’m ashamed of the pair of you.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
There’s two of me? What have I/we done to deserve such treatment? I asked a very innocent but important question!
January 31st, 2008 at 9:20 am
I shall attempt these at the weekend and post pictures of my three-finger hole technique.
(Sorry, it’s catching.)