This ain't something else.

Chav Haiku

The bloke with the ‘tache,
I kicked his fucking head in.
What? He shagged my bird.

A quiet weekend.
Mark nicked a Nintendo Wii.
Out of crystal meth.

Gold bought from Argos
shines almost as brightly as
my XR3i.

 

  • Share/Save/Bookmark

15 comments

1 Wendy { 02.13.08 at 9:08 am }

Hahaha! Just lovely.

Bathtub, my arse.

2 Katy Newton { 02.13.08 at 10:07 am }

I’m not sure how I feel about “shagged” and “kicked” as one syllable words. However, I imagine your answer to that would be along the lines of “oh but Katy that is an English convention because the Japanese count sounds not syllables so this is 100% true to the Japanese haiku tradition ACTUALLY”. So on balance I think I’m going to let it go.

3 Jonners { 02.13.08 at 11:20 am }

heheh, great, Cliff :)

Whenever I see the word “Argos”, all I can think of is Bill Bailey’s “Laminated Book of Dreams”: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Wj8V121FJV0

4 Scaryduck { 02.13.08 at 12:55 pm }

Sharon is a slag
She stole all my Special Brew
Shagged my best mate

5 Scaryduck { 02.13.08 at 12:56 pm }

Of course, that was not strictly haiku, as I missed the word “And” out of the last line.

6 Mark { 02.13.08 at 1:34 pm }

Burberry cap on.
Tracksuit bottoms nice and loose.
Textin’ all me mates.

7 Ed R { 02.13.08 at 3:21 pm }

To Americans
Chavs are really just badly
behaved teenagers.

But then again, most
haven’t seen them too closely.
Chavs can be older.

It could be much worse
than it is for you, you know-
at least there’s no guns.

8 ed r { 02.14.08 at 12:01 am }

man. what a tough crowd.
and I really tried so hard.
I think I will cry.

9 Cliff { 02.14.08 at 12:04 am }

Ed – I meant to say earlier. That was brilliant.

Mark – sterling gold, as was Scary.

Jonners – love Bill Bailey.

Katy – You’re reading too much into this.

Wendy – You’re not reading enough into this.

10 Wendy { 02.14.08 at 9:38 am }

Jesus. You give a guy a compliment…

11 Cliff { 02.14.08 at 10:02 am }

Hey Wendy – just messing around. Bathtub my arse, also.

12 Sam { 02.14.08 at 11:03 am }

I have never heard
Of these Haikus which you love,
Now it seems I have.

13 kyknoord { 02.14.08 at 11:53 am }

T-shirts! These just cry out to be put on t-shirts.

14 Ed R { 02.17.08 at 6:40 pm }

Ack! Thirteen comments!
This is not a good thing, no.
Now we have fourteen.

15 Jonners { 02.17.08 at 9:18 pm }

Cliff’s chavs are dated.
The youth they are now driving.
Clio, 106?

Leave a comment. Play nice. I will turn this blog around.

Powered by Wordpress - Copyright This Is This 2004-2009 Reprint with permission only - Neoclassical 2R Theme by m@dzzoni.dk - Original developed by Chris Pearson.

pageTracker._initData(); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}