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Chav Haiku

The bloke with the ‘tache,
I kicked his fucking head in.
What? He shagged my bird.

—

A quiet weekend.
Mark nicked a Nintendo Wii.
Out of crystal meth.

—

Gold bought from Argos
shines almost as brightly as
my XR3i.

 

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 13th, 2008 at 8:44 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, or you can skip to the end and leave a comment yourself.

15 Responses to “Chav Haiku”

  1. Wendy Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 9:08 am

    Hahaha! Just lovely.

    Bathtub, my arse.

  2. Katy Newton Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 10:07 am

    I’m not sure how I feel about “shagged” and “kicked” as one syllable words. However, I imagine your answer to that would be along the lines of “oh but Katy that is an English convention because the Japanese count sounds not syllables so this is 100% true to the Japanese haiku tradition ACTUALLY”. So on balance I think I’m going to let it go.

  3. Jonners Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 11:20 am

    heheh, great, Cliff :)

    Whenever I see the word “Argos”, all I can think of is Bill Bailey’s “Laminated Book of Dreams”: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Wj8V121FJV0

  4. Scaryduck Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Sharon is a slag
    She stole all my Special Brew
    Shagged my best mate

  5. Scaryduck Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Of course, that was not strictly haiku, as I missed the word “And” out of the last line.

  6. Mark Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    Burberry cap on.
    Tracksuit bottoms nice and loose.
    Textin’ all me mates.

  7. Ed R Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    To Americans
    Chavs are really just badly
    behaved teenagers.

    But then again, most
    haven’t seen them too closely.
    Chavs can be older.

    It could be much worse
    than it is for you, you know-
    at least there’s no guns.

  8. ed r Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 12:01 am

    man. what a tough crowd.
    and I really tried so hard.
    I think I will cry.

  9. Cliff Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 12:04 am

    Ed - I meant to say earlier. That was brilliant.

    Mark - sterling gold, as was Scary.

    Jonners - love Bill Bailey.

    Katy - You’re reading too much into this.

    Wendy - You’re not reading enough into this.

  10. Wendy Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 9:38 am

    Jesus. You give a guy a compliment…

  11. Cliff Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 10:02 am

    Hey Wendy - just messing around. Bathtub my arse, also.

  12. Sam Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 11:03 am

    I have never heard
    Of these Haikus which you love,
    Now it seems I have.

  13. kyknoord Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am

    T-shirts! These just cry out to be put on t-shirts.

  14. Ed R Says:
    February 17th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    Ack! Thirteen comments!
    This is not a good thing, no.
    Now we have fourteen.

  15. Jonners Says:
    February 17th, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    Cliff’s chavs are dated.
    The youth they are now driving.
    Clio, 106?

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