Imagined Conversations - Meeting A Rapper
I have many nuggets of conversation I have stored up for occasions which will probably never arise. One of these is meeting a rapper whose name is SpeachMark or Rebel or Sandstorm or something. You know the kind of names.
Bumble-B: How you doin’?
Me: Very well. Fine and then some. Hey, do that thing where you turn into a helicopter.
Bumble-B: Say what?
Me: You know, where you make the noise and become something else?
Bumble-B: Yo, I’m jus’ a rap artist, knowwhamsayin’?
Me: I’m sorry, Bumble-B, I thought you were a fucking TRANSFORMER.
He’s probably put a cap in my ass faster that you could say Tupac, but I’d have a laugh.
I have two days left at work and I’m really ready to leave. I’m developing nasty habits, like backannouncing colleagues after someone comes by my desk.
“Simon Peterson there, making a cup of tea. An imposing figure - in the world of online marketing.”
Again, I have no idea what that is about.
February 28th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I went through two weeks of announcing people that came in to my office like the E4 man who was doing X-Factor this year: “Ladies and gentlemeeeen…CLIFF!”
The E4 man is one of my better impressions.
February 28th, 2008 at 9:25 am
I can do a passable Big Brother guy. “Day Fourteen, and Sam’s got a tiny monkey with conjunctivitis.” Sounds better in Geordie.
February 28th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Conjunctivitis is the king of words said in Geordie.
I think there’s potential vlog-comp fodder here, boys.
February 28th, 2008 at 10:20 am
The others are Kawasaki and taramasalata.
February 28th, 2008 at 10:28 am
E4 man enjoys saying words like ‘ruddy’ and ’smashing’. Sometimes I see things and cannot fight the urge to read them out like he’d say them.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I want to hear you do that.
February 28th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Don’t forget “snooker” and “pickle”.
February 28th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
One of the joys of Radio 5 is the punditry of Chris Waddle - for all of the above reasons. “Snooker” is a good one, Meg.
I did go through an Izzard-esque phase of saying stuff like ” - in my mind” and ” - with my mouth” at the end of sentences for no reason at all. Thankfully it’s not something I do any more. In public.
February 28th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I have been back-announcing (technical term?) all day. Thanks for that.
My favourite Geordieism, from Sid Waddell commentating at the World Darts Championships, “Up steps Jockey, to the ochey, looking stockey, feeling cockey.”
February 29th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I find myself saying things like “I’m just going to make a cup of tea and then I was thinking, with my head, that we could leave early? But that’s just what my head was thinking.”
February 29th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
we don’t do anything like that do we ‘yan?
no. not us.
best to keep things private sometimes.
like now, for example?
oh. er… yeah. good post Cliff!
*scurries back to his desk*
February 29th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I think some Super Villian has put something in teh UK groundwater or something. This can only be the result of some nefarious plot.