Do You Want Tibet?
March 19, 2008
News just reaching the offices of This Is This suggest that the Dalai Lama is considering resigning. This, of course, is not possible. It’s like David Hasselhoff saying he wants a different hairstyle. He is the hairstyle.
But if he did resign, I imagine I would get a call like this.
Headhunter: Cliff, hello, this is Jeremy from Bunsup, Nealing and Eger. Look, I’m calling about an opportunity that’s come up in the market. Are you free to talk?
Me: I can be. (-pause and footsteps, a door closes-) OK, go ahead.
Headhunter: Cliff, a position has come up in a country. All I can say is that it’s in central Asia, but there is the possibilty of working remotely, which is what the current person in that position does.
Me: What’s the job?
Headhunter: Cliff, the job is Spritual Leader and Head of Government In Exile.
Me: Wow.
Headhunter: Cliff, now I know that’s a mouthful, but it’s a really challenging role and they’re looking for the right person and from your CV which I have in front of me, I think they’d be really keen to talk to you.
Me: Where are they based?
Headhunter: Cliff, all I can say at the moment is that it’s a country in central Asia that operates under an established name, but was taken over a few years ago by China. Have you heard of China?
Me: Yeah. Is it Tibet?
Headhunter: Cliff, I can’t say because of a confidentiality clause, but you can use your imagination and you’ll know who I’m talking about.
Me: You want me to be the spiritual leader of Tibet?
Headhunter: Cliff, I think it would be a really good progression for you. My client is really good at spotting potential. Now, I’ve seen your CV, but could you talk me through your career to date.
Me: Well, I started off in newspaper journalism as a financial reporter for The Guardian, having worked a little in radio, and I wrote a few front page stories and regular articles in the Money section before joining AOL in 1996 where I was head of News, then News and Sport. I was overall head of content at Freeserve for a couple of years before going back to AOL where I ran the homepage and managed all current affairs output. I now work for BBC News.
Headhunter: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Cliff, see, sometimes you have to step away from your area of expertise to get ahead. When was the last time you influenced two point seven million people?
Me: I don’t really think this sounds like-
Headhunter: Cliff, what I’m going to do is send you a job description and email your CV over to them. Do you know anyone else who might be suitable for this role?
Me: I’m going now.
Headhunter: I have a good feeling about this.
(hangs up)
16 comments
“The thing is,” I said, “he can’t resign. It’s a job for life. It’s not as if it’s a popularity contest.”
“As a matter of fact,” said a colleague who knows FACTS, “It’s a job for several lives.”
Superb. In fact, NOMINATED.
I am actually commenting on your previous post (although this one is mighty fine) because like a wanker you put “wanker” in the title which means it appears in the url which means it’s blocked by my employer. You KNOW this. You don’t want me to comment. Wah wah.
Anyway you gave your potty mouth a rest in this post title so I can just nip in and offer Katy a few words of love. She is my +1.
Very nice. It’s not just for Christmas, either. Although to me, I would interpret that as “I can’t be fired”, and just piss about quite a bit. Even if they killed you, you’d come back and walk into the job.
“This is Mr. Lama.”
“Dalai, please.”
“Dalai joins us having done this job for fourteen previous lifetimes.”
Thanks Katy. EIE in the NYC.
Wendy – I am resting my potty mouth only because I’m gearing up for the Easter holidays. Also - oh my god you so just totally said wanker also anyway.
Pissing about on the job – is that why the current post-holder spends all his time at U2 concerts?
What else can you do when you’re the leader of a country that’s not real? There are only so many fake cabinet meetings you can hold and artists’ impressions of what your coins would look like you can do, you know what I’m saying?
THis is all so surreal.
OMG I like totally just got the title. Very nice.
Bunsup, Nealing and Eger. I am sniggering like a little idiot.
I like the way these posts keep something back for afters. It’s like a sweet with a chewy centre. Or a cluster bomb.
Or even a nut cluster bomb, upon which all ur bases is covered. lolz.
Also sniggering at the Bunsup, Nealing and Eger. Like a little idiot. Who finds such things entertaining. If this doesn’t win POTW then there’s no justice in the world… or at the very least it’s the rough kind.
Love it. Too much work, though. It’s not like Tibet has nice beaches, does it?
Who are Bunsup, Nealing-
Never mind.
Tibet has beautiful Mountain Vistas.
Bunsup, Nealing and Eger… oh God, that’s great. Or Buddha – whatever.
Cliff, I have a question? When I read the headhunter’s part, my head does Wilson from Home Improvement. Was that intentional?
(”Inside The Blogger’s Studio”, aired March 2008)
Well Katy, I get a lot of questions about the inpiration for the headhunter character. It’s based on my first blogging coach. Want to see my Dooce impression?
I would love to see you do whatever you feel you need to do as a blogger? I think we all just learn and grow so much from watching you do what you do?
Leave a comment. Play nice. I will turn this blog around.