Imagined Conversation - Man On The Train
This morning, to person on the train playing music on their mobile phone speaker.
Me: Excuse me.
He looks up.
Me: What would happen if you turned your music down?
Him: What?
Me: I’m assuming you have some kind of mental condition that means you have to listen to music regardless of your surroundings.
Him: What?
Me: And today you forgot your headphones so you have to play your shit rhythm and blues - and it’s neither, by the way - through the speaker on your phone.
Him: What?
Me: OK, what I’m going to do is read my book out loud. I really think I’d like to share that. You like Billy Cosby?
Him: What?
Me: “Anyone, even Weird Harold, could do a slow dance: you just leaned on the girl and moved as if you were leaving a crowded bus, but you needed either Astaire of Johnny to teach you the Bop and the Strand.”
Him: What?
Sometimes I don’t consider other people’s feelings. It’s probably because I’m not in touch with mine. Not properly, anyway. I might write on their facebook walls occasionally, but it’s not meaningful contact. And they rarely respond. Fuckers.
God I’m wound up by the phone music guy.
Well, they say leave them laughing, but it’s either one or the other round here. Take it or leave it - you know the rules. I don’t force you to read this blog, but while you do, it’s either my way or the Ebay. Are we clear?
It’s kind of “leave them and/or laughing”. You’re probably a glass-half-full person anyway. Of course, I’d point out that you’re using too big a glass, but that’s for another time.
Take it easy, relax and breathe.
Have a great weekend.
April 11th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Oh, I really like the idea of reading out loud to these guys.
“Oh, it’s just you chose to share your entertainment medium of choice, so I thought it would be remiss of me not to do the same…”
I tried dancing to this type of ‘music’ on the bus once, not recommended.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Just simply a great post, Cliff. Classic-in-the-making.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
It’s OK to snatch the offending item from their hand and hurl it out of the window, shouting “Quick! Get away from it, it’s gone feral…”
And if they get shirty, just tell them you’re an off-duty policeman and watch them fleeeeeeeeee….
April 11th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I once asked a ticket collector to tell some people on the train to turn their mobiles down as I didn’t want to listen to their music.
He did. They did. That was in Wales, that was.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Well, you know what they say about people from Wales.
I mean, I hope you do. Because I don’t.
Cliff, should I write on your facebook wall?
April 16th, 2008 at 10:30 am
For some reason, this post gave me deja vu. Again.
Is there something wrong with me?
(And I wrote on your Facebook wall, but I used invisible ink.)