Spiders 08
September 10, 2008
“Daddy, is that spider on the inside of the house or the outside?”
These words chill me, but I muster my resolve to turn to the window. If this was a movie, the camera would do that thing where I’m in the shot and it zooms in while the room seems to get smaller, because a film seems like what we’re in, especially with as there’s a kid pointing stuff out like they are not scared. This usually makes things doubly scary.
You know, like: “Daddy, why is grandma in the kitchen?” when daddy has just explained that grandma is in heaven. Then grandma appears at the door and she takes a break from the cake she is mixing to raise a boney hand to blow the kid a kiss.
ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!, right?
I didn’t show my fear about the spider, partly because he said the word Daddy and I should be what dads should be, but mostly because he also said the word “outside” which I’m hoping it fucking is.
Turns out is fucking was, but this is late summer in the country.
And late summer mean big spiders. I wonder what ecological role spiders play. Yes, they kill flies, but how many flies do they actually get? I’m not sure they have to eat that many spiders to survive. I know hedgehogs have to eat a lot of slugs and that’s fine, but I can’t imagine flies and things live that long, or if many actually find themselves stuck in webs. I have seen bugs fly, and they generally don’t aim for the corners of the rooms of my house.
Why the spiders, seriously. I know they have evolved and things don’t eat them. They have become the top of their particular food chain, but that’s no excuse.
Unless you’re a polar bear or a human.
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5 comments
You English, you know nothing. Nothing. Your idea of big spiders is what, maybe the size of a £2 coin? Try growing up in Cape Town. We have TARANTULAS baby. Try waking up to see a tarantula on the ceiling.
(Except nobody calls them tarantulas, they call them baboon spiders, and claim they’re completely harmless, but it is a lie, they are aggressive jumpy tarantulas and they are venomous and evil. I only discovered this a few weeks ago. I’m not over the shock.)
All spiders are evil. And out to get me. I used to live in Richmond (Surrey) and the massive creatures appearing in my tiny room were horrific. See, I’m not particular nice, either, because I have them assasinated. Maybe I’m evil, too.
Good god, Scroobious. Tarantulas?? I’d switch countries for that reason alone.
I’d talk about that camel spider that killed the dog in colchester but camel spiders aren’t even really spiders.
Ha, it was great the way that was reported. The headline was “SOLDIER HOME FROM IRAQ BRINGS HOME DEADLY VENOMOUS SPIDER THAT KILLED DOG”. The article, however, revealed the following:
1. camel spiders are not, as Ed points out, really spiders
2. they have no venom
3. their bite cannot kill a human being in itself, although obviously a bite could become infected like any other wound
4. although the dog had died shortly after the spider was discovered, there was no evidence that it had died from a spider bite and no post-mortem was planned.
I still wouldn’t want to share the house with a camel spider, you understand. UGH UGH.
You know,. I think Cliff lives in that general area. The Monster Of 14-Cubed ( 14cm long, 14 mph runner, 14foot jumper ) might be out to get him!
CLIFF! SAVE THE PUP FIRST!!
Leave a comment. Play nice. I will turn this blog around.