A News Conference

North Devon, News Conference Time

Ed – So, what have we got? Talk to me, people.

Reporter 1 – Blue flag awards for the fifth year running.

Ed – I like it. We can have kids send in their best blue flags. Readers love that shit. What else?

Reporter 2 – Giant pasty sparks local hospital closures.

Ed – Nurses, good. What about these Marley people? Woolacombe wasn’t it?

Reporter 3 – Ilfracombe.

Ed – Listen – I don’t care if it’s Woolacombe, Ifracombe, Coombe Martin, Chris Martin or Coombe By fucking Ya, what’s the story?

Reporter 3 – Well, we spoke to her. She’s sixty six – turns out she’s never heard his music before. She doesn’t even like reggae.

Ed – You shock me.

Reporter 3 – There’s not much of a story.

Ed – Listen, I didn’t work on free London papers without knowing a story, young chappy. I’ll decide what goes in this paper. Has she ever been to Jamaica?

Reporter 3 – No.

Ed – Has she ever smoked weed?

Reporter 3 – I thought you’d ask. No. She hasn’t left Ilfracombe in years.

Ed – Did she mention Bob Marley at all in the interview?

Reporter 3 – Just once. She said: “It has always been a joke in the family. People would always say: ‘Are you any relation to Bob Marley?’ and I would say: ‘Yes, he’s my cousin’.

Ed – Brilliant. Front page. “Scones Wit’ Jam In” – there’s your title. Now give me 600 words.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20090520/ten-bob-marley-s-long-lost-english-cousi-a56114e.html